Their Marriage Is History

| Wales, UK | Friendly | May 29, 2014

(I’m a female member of an international living history group, and every year we have a camping event at a ruined castle in Wales. We’d been there for nine out of ten days, so a group of us decided to dress normally and go to the village pub for dinner and drinks. I didn’t know one lady very well, but she hung out at my friend’s camp so we found that we have the same weird sense of humour. On the way home from the pub we started singing bawdy songs.)

Friend: “Do you know [Song] by [Band]?”

Me: “Course I do! [Friend #2] and I sang it together at his first event!”

(We sing together all the way back to the castle. By this time, everyone had started packing, already gone to bed, or were at a green area getting rid of leftover food and drinks by a campfire.)

Me: “D*** it, why are you already married?”

Friend: “I am, but my persona isn’t.”

Friend #3: “You know, I’m a captain of the [Region] Navy…”

Me: “She’s right. Wanna be buried with our ones?”

Friend: “Yeah, all right.”

Friend #3 *to me* “Do you?”

Me: “H*** yes!”

Friend #3: *to Friend* “Do you?”

Friend: “D*** right..”

Friend #3: “By the power invested in me by the [Region] Navy, I now pronounce you Wife and Wife! Has anyone got a cake?”

(We found a cake and a butter knife and took awkward cake-cutting pictures. Our first dance was skipping around the green humming London Bridge, and for good luck we jumped over a lantern. Her husband took it pretty well when she told him; my fiancé wasn’t as impressed. When they met a few months later…)

Me: “[Fiancé], meet my wife, [Friend].”

Fiancé: *puts down what he was carrying, points at her* “HOMEWRECKER!”

(Thankfully, we all knew he was joking!)

The Last Word On James The First

| Surrey, England, UK | Related | December 2, 2013

(I am approximately eight years old, and a big fan of a series of history comics and books. My parents have taken me to Hampton Court Palace for the day to encourage my historical fascination. Through the grounds, they have people acting through many different roles and answering questions.)

Me: “Who’s that?”

Steward Actor: “Why that’s King James I, lass! He was born in 1566, and united the English and Scottish crowns! He—”

Me: “I asked for his name, not his life story, mate!”

(If that actor is out there somewhere reading this, I really am sorry, but I am about to go study history at university!)

A Welsh of Knowledge, Part 2

| Wales, UK | Right | August 20, 2013

Tourist: “Oh, nice! This is a bona fide English castle!”

Me: “Actually, sir, it’s not. Wales is not part of England.”

Tourist: “What? Oh, come on! You both drive on the wrong side of the road; it’s the same! Your capital is London.”

Me: “Er, no, sir. It’s Cardiff.”

Tourist: “Well, but Wales is just a state of England, like Philadelphia in the States.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but England doesn’t have states; it has counties, and Wales is not one of them. We have our own counties. Moreover sir, Philadelphia is a city, not a state.”

Tourist: “Don’t embarrass yourself, kid. You don’t even know about England even though you’re English, so please don’t bring up America; leave it to us.”

Me: “No, sir, I’m not English. I’m Welsh; not quite the same. And Philadelphia is still not a state anyway.”

Tourist: “I’m American! I know what I’m talking about!”

(One of the tourists friends comes over.)

Tourist’s Friend: “I’m sorry for his behavior; you must think all ‘Yanks’ are ignorant.”

Me: “No, not at all. Most ‘Yanks’ that come here are actually very polite and knowledgeable, and they really like Wales.”

Tourist: “You mean England!”

A Welsh Of Knowledge

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