Non Sequitur, Part 2

| Right | November 10, 2011

(A customer sits down at my poker table. He is clearly high out of his mind.)

Customer: “Hey, man, what’s your sign?”

Me: “Uh…I’m a Leo. What’s yours?”

(The customer thinks about this for a full minute.)

Customer: “I’m a marshmallow.”

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You’re Supposed To Share The Wealth

| Right | August 7, 2011

(I am sitting at the cash register where people can turn in chips for cash or other way around. A guy approaches.)

Me: “Hello, what can I do for you?”

Guest: “I want to take out a loan.”

Me: “I am sorry, what do you mean?”

Guest: “I want to take out a big loan so I can play and maybe buy a car.”

Me: “This isn’t a bank, sir. This is a casino. We don’t do that.”

Guest: “This can’t be. I know your company has loads of money. I want to borrow some. I will pay the tax or whatever.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t do loans. This isn’t a bank.”

Guest: “This is bulls***! Money is money. What’s the difference if I borrow here or at the bank? I will pay it back. So what difference does it make? Don’t argue with me!”

(I press the red button under my desk to call security.)

Me: “A gentleman will be here in a second to work things out with you and your loan. Good day!”

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At Lagerheads

, , , , | Right | June 11, 2010

(A drunk guest comes down and wants their car but we refuse to give it to him because he is intoxicated. We call him a cab and ask if he needs his house key off his key ring.)

Customer: “Oh, yeah. I might need that.”

Me: “Okay, which one is it?”

Customer: “It’s that black one right there.”

Me: “Sir, that’s your car key. Which one is your house key?”

Customer: “No, really. It’s that black one.”

Me: “No… that’s your car key.”

Customer: “You don’t understand; I made it universal. It opens everything in my house.”

Me: “Okay, I’m just going to give you everything but the car key. Have a nice night, sir.”


This story part of our “Customers so stupid they should not be alive” roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Hilarious Stories About Customers Versus Mother Nature

 

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This story is part of the American States roundup!

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Fake ID Is Always A Gamble

, , | Right | December 31, 2009

(I’m a member of the security staff at a casino, and three men approach me, one of them looking a little young.)

Me: “Can I see some ID?”

(The youngest one gives me an ID where it says he’s 22. I ask him how old he is just to check.)

Me: “How old are you?”

Customer: “17.” *pauses* “Ah, I f***ed up, didn’t I? I’ll just wait in the car.”


This story is part of our Fake ID roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories Of Truly Terrible Parent Customers

 

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Read the Fake ID roundup!

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Ocean’s Negative Seven

, , , , , | Right | June 8, 2008

(A woman walks up to my blackjack table, and sits down without putting any money up for her bet. I assume she’s waiting for the end of the shoe.)

Woman: “How come I didn’t get a hand?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you didn’t have your bet up when the cards came out. I’ll get you on the next.”

(When I get ready to deal the next, I tap the bet box in front of her.)

Me: “You comin’ in?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s a fifteen-dollar table.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Table minimum is fifteen.”

Woman: “I have to pay to play?”

Me: “Well, if you win, I’ll give you fifteen more and you get to keep all of it.”

Woman: “What happens if I don’t win?”

Me: “At that point it becomes the casino’s money.”

Woman: “That’s stealing!”

Me: “No, that’s gambling.”

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