Will Take A Bullet For This Job

| USA | Funny Names, Language & Words

(It is a fairly steady night, as two ladies walk up to me while I am between transactions.)

Lady #1: “Where are your Russian roulette tables?”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Lady #1: “You know Russian roulette? We heard you have it and she—” *indicating the other lady* “—wants to play.”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you mean roulette. Russian roulette is, well, a bit different.”

Lady #1: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, Russian roulette is played with a revolver.”

Lady #1: *finally realizing what she said* “Oh, my goodness!” *she starts laughing a bit*

Lady #2: “Well, do you have Russian roulette or not?”

Me: “Right this way, ladies.”


Tastes Like Rubber Chicken

, | OK, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(Our establishment allows us meal vouchers per shift to ensure we actually get something to eat on our lunch breaks. At first, employees weren’t able to use the vouchers in the gift shop, only at food venues, but a memo gets sent out that the directors are planning to change that. A few days after the new rules go into effect, this happens.)

Poker Dealer: *looking around at the shelves* “So, we can use our vouchers in here, right?”

Me: “Yep, anything you want. You just have to cover the difference.”

Poker Dealer: *talking with another dealer as they look before he reaches for an item holding it up* “Can I get these?”

Me: “Those are condoms…”

Poker Dealer: “So?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, are you going to eat them?”

Poker Dealer: “No… but someone else is!”

Me: *speechless*

It Doesn’t Take A Brain Surgeon

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Popular, Technology

(I am a slot technician at a casino, and a patron is having trouble cashing out of a slot machine. This is back when the only way to cash out was to get coins, and many patrons still used coins to play rather than bills. There is a button you push on the front of the machine to cash out, but it isn’t working.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Patron: “Your machine is broken! I just want my d*** money but it won’t cash me out.”

(I ask him to hit the cashout button for me. We’re not allowed to hit any buttons while a patron has money in the machine. He does and it doesn’t work.)

Patron: “See?!”

(He mashes the button repeatedly in anger.)

Patron: “I want my d*** money!”

(At this point I look at the state of the machine and realize that it’s in the middle of a bet… He has already bet a credit and the machine is just waiting to spin. There is no way to get the money out until the spin is done. I begin to explain this to him.)

Patron: “That’s bull-s***! I DID NOT bet a credit. Why the hell would I do that when I want to go home!”

Me: “I don’t know, sir, but the machine does have a credit bet. If you could just hit the spin button…”

Patron: *yelling* “I did not bet a credit! I’m not going to spend any more of my money in your machine! You’re just trying to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Sir, if there are no credits bet, hitting spin won’t do anything. If you’re correct, nothing will happen. If I’m right, the machine will spin and you’ll be able to cash out.”

Patron: “I’m telling you that I did not bet a credit!”

Me: “Perhaps your hand slipped when you were hitting the cash out button, sir, and you accidently…”

Patron: *furious now* “Son, I’m a surgeon. My hands don’t slip. I take people’s lives in my hands every single day, and if my hands were prone to slipping those people could be dead! I want you to cash me out, NOW!”

(At this point the man’s wife, who had been sitting down next to us in silence the entire time, reached over and quietly hit the ‘spin’ button. As I expected, the machine bean to spin the reels. They landed on a small to credit win and the cash out button lit up. He lowered his gaze and slowly hit the cash out button. Of course, the coins began to drop in the tray. I flashed a small smile to the wife, who subtly rolled her eyes and looked apologetic. The surgeon, defeated, took his coins and slowly walked away without a word.)


Don’t Gamble Your Job On It

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Popular

(Two seconds before I call no more bets, customers thrusts $10 at me.)

Customer: “Put it on 47!”

Me: “Sir, put it down on the table; I can’t take it from your hand.”

Customer: “I said 47!”

(Unwilling to risk my job for this rude customer and with the wheel coming to a halt I call no more bets.)

Customer: “If that lands on 47, I’ll…”

(The wheel stops on 3:1 and I pay out winning bets. I then declare new game.)

Customer: “If 47 came up you would be in so much trouble.”

Me: “Look, sir, if you want me to place your bet put it on the table. I cannot take anything from you directly. Secondly, if your bet isn’t on that’s your responsibility. Call bets is not an obligation.”

Customer: “I can’t reach. What do you want me to do? I haven’t got Go-Go-Gadget arms. I pay your wage. You should do whatever I tell you to!”

(Customer cusses me out and threatens to “cave my head in.”)

Me: *sigh* “I just explained it to you. And if you truly believe that, then you must really suffer from confidence issues. Threaten me again and I will have you detained. I am refusing you service. I suggest you take your small-man syndrome somewhere else.”

(Thank god we don’t work on tips in Australia.)

Here’s A Tip: Don’t Die

| WV, USA | Crazy Requests

(Due to the weather, my boss has decided that we will be closing early instead of running night shift. Tipped wage is about $2.15/hour where I live.)

Customer: “I bet you’re just closing early because you haven’t made any money today.”

(I’m a tipped worker, and I hadn’t made anything that day, but I actually don’t have the power to close the store for such a frivolous reason.)

Me: “Actually, our manager is concerned about the safety of workers coming in and out in this weather. She’s weird like that.”

Customer: *visibly irritated* “Well, I guess that’s fair.”

Me: “Yeah, I sort of appreciate not being expected to die for tipped wage.”

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