I worked in a store during a big console launch. Our store had only gotten enough to fulfill preorders, so they were all locked in the office, bagged, with the customer’s details taped to them so that the customers’ copies of the paperwork could be matched up to their orders. All staff attended a training where this was made very clear, and they were reminded about it afterward.

A customer asked for a console.

Cashier: “I’ll go grab you one.”

I stopped them and turned to the customer.

Me: “Can I see your preorder slip?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t preorder it.”

Cashier: “It’s fine; we’ve got plenty.”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Cashier: “Yeah, there’s loads in the office. I’ve already sold six!”

They’d been asking other managers for access to the office. Those managers were assuming no one could be that stupid. They assumed wrong; the cashier was tearing the paperwork off and binning it.

When I was fourteen, I went into our local, very small-town gas station with my dad. He was buying beer.

Cashier: “Do you have any ID?”

Dad: “I have three kids.”

He said it like that was a valid form of ID. Apparently, to the cashier, it was, because she looked at me and said:

Cashier: “Are they yours, too?”

I was at the checkout at a grocery store, and the poor cashier kept trying and trying to get a small package of turkey breast to scan. She then tried multiple times to key in the SKU number. Then, she called for her supervisor or someone of elevated rank, who also couldn’t make it work.

Then, THAT person called for a Customer Service Representative, who also couldn’t make it work. The machine kept saying the item didn’t exist.

Cashier: “Dude, it’s right here in my hands!”

I kept struggling to resist the urge to make that “Oh, I guess it’s free” joke. Finally, she threw up her hands.

Cashier: “I give up!”

I cracked.

Me: “Well, I guess you could just make it ‘on the house’!”

She laughed as she entered the name and price manually, and I was finally able to check out.

I’m at work, and I notice that my coworker on the next till is looking really puzzled. Our tills tell us exactly how much change to give. I walk over and see that the till says to give eighty-five cents in change, and [Coworker] has three quarters in her hand.

Coworker: “How do I get to eighty-five cents?!”

She was completely stumped. She’s also an honors student.

Due to a condom malfunction, I find myself in need of the morning-after pill. I’m (reasonably) agitated about this and decide to go to a superstore with self-checkout in hopes of avoiding interacting with any employees. I just want to buy my pill and go home and not see or talk to anyone about this.

I get to the store and, score for me, the pill isn’t behind the counter, so I don’t have to ask for it. The bad news: it’s in anti-theft packaging, so my plan of slinking through self-checkout without talking to another human is shot. Oh, well. I’m an adult; I can handle going through the checkout. I decide to pick up a pregnancy test while I’m there, just in case, since they’re in the same aisle.

I make my way up to the checkout, and I choose an aisle with a female cashier. I put my items on the belt, trying to feel nonchalant and casual. That is until the cashier holds up the pregnancy test to scan it.

Cashier: “Are you?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

The cashier wiggles the pregnancy test.

Cashier: “Are you?”

Me: “Uh… I hope not!”

Cashier: “Oh! Well, if you hope not, then I’ll hope that for you, as well.”

Me: “…Thanks?”

She continues scanning the rest of my items.

Cashier: “I had a lady come through the other day buying a twenty-pack of these! It was like $30. But I guess it makes sense to buy in bulk.”

Me: “Yeah, I guess so.”

Meanwhile, I just wanted the floor to swallow me up. She wasn’t rude or judgmental, which is a plus, but I’d really have preferred no comment on what I was buying. Also, I couldn’t help but be confused by the question afterward. If I knew the answer, why would I be buying a test? The test was set on top of the pill, which explains why she wouldn’t have seen that first to know that this was obviously not a positive thing. Here’s hoping I don’t have to repeat the scenario any time soon!