It’s Too Early In The Morning For This

, , , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I work for a large energy firm servicing department. Everyone gets this type of call several times a day.)

Me: “Good morning, you’re through to [Company] and [Department]. How can I help?”

Customer: “My fireplace isn’t working.”

(I go over security details and they pass, and we proceed to pull up a calendar for repair appointment.)

Me: “Okay, sir, the earliest available appointment is two days from now between 12:00 and 6:00 pm.”

Customer: “Have you got anything sooner?”

Me: “No, sir, two days is the earliest appointment, 12:00 until 6:00 pm.”

Customer: “Okay, I guess I’ll take the morning, then.”

Me: “Sir, the next appointment is two days from now in the afternoon, or three days from now in the morning. If you prefer a morning, you will have to wait until the third day or I will book you in for the afternoon.”

Customer: “Well, that isn’t very good. Why can’t I get an appointment in the morning for two days time?”

Me: “Because we work on a live system with limited staffing for repairs. If we have a high volume of breakdowns in your area, it is mainly first-come, first-serve.”

Customer: “I pay £35 a month for this agreement. Can’t you cancel someone else’s appointment?”

Me: “In the interest of equality, we do not cancel appointments to book in other customers; that is company policy.”

Customer: “I don’t care; I want an appointment in the morning.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, that is not a possibility, and due to it being a live system, if I do not book you an appointment now it may be gone soon.”

Customer: “Fine! Don’t know why I pay for this service.”

Me: “Because if you didn’t, it could be anything up to $400 or more for each repair and a wait of up to a week or more, sir.”

(We resolve the call and they hang up.)

Coworker: “So, no mornings, then?”

Me: “Don’t get me started!”

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Getting Shirty Because You’re Cursed

, , , , | Romantic | June 4, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are in a shop looking at the menswear. He spots some shirts he likes and decides to try them on. As he puts the first one on, the music playing on the speakers suddenly turns a bit static, as if a CD had been scratched. My boyfriend decides to try on the second shirt, so he takes off the first one – and the music goes back to normal.)

Me: “That’s got to be a funny coincidence.”

Boyfriend: “I’m going to test this theory.”

(He puts the second shirt on and the music continues as normal.)

Me: “Shame.”

(However, with the third shirt, the music once again has problems. We laugh about this and he buys all the shirts he tries on. Two days later we are in another shop. I have spotted a pair of jeans I like and am just heading back to the till when suddenly, all the power goes out throughout the shopping centre.)

Me: *jokingly* “Were you trying on another shirt?”

Boyfriend: “…yes.”

Me: *laughing* “You! Are! Cursed!”

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When Presumptions Meet Postmodernism

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to get this DVD for my son.” *hands me a copy of Watchmen*

Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

Customer: “Five.”

Me: “Sorry, this film isn’t suitable for your son.”

Customer: “But it’s about superheroes! How can a film about superheroes be unsuitable for kids?”

Me: “There is a scene where one of the heroes cuts a man’s head in half with a meat cleaver.”

Customer: “What, are they thick or something? How could you put that in a kid’s film?”

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