You Reap What You Bow

| Cambridgeshire, England , UK | Right | December 20, 2016

(I have just served a customer who bought a card, wrapping paper and two identical bows. After serving another customer, she comes up to my till.)

Customer: “You’ve overcharged me! How hard is it to not double scan an item?!”

Me: ‘I’m sorry, madam… Please show me your receipt.”

(She does, and everything is as I scanned it.)

Me: “I only scanned what you gave me.”

Customer: “How stupid can you get?! You charged me for TWO bows!”

Me: “Madam. If you look in your bag, you will see that you bought two bows.”

Customer: “I only wanted one. You should have known that!”

Make The Yule-tide Gay

| Folkestone, England, UK | Right | December 25, 2014

(I am browsing the Christmas cards. Next to me is a man also looking at the cards. He has two different ‘for my brother and his boyfriend at Christmas’ cards in his hand, deciding which one he wants. A woman walks past.)

Woman: “Disgusting! They shouldn’t sell such filthy cards in this shop!”

Man: “Um…”

Woman: “It’s a sin! Political correctness gone mad! They should NOT be promoting queers!”

Man: “Er…”

Woman: “What sort of thing does that say to my children?”

Man: “It would say that I would like to say ‘Merry Christmas’ to my brother and his wonderful boyfriend, whom the whole family adores, and it would teach them tolerance and understanding of others.”

Woman: “Well!” *storms off*

Man: *sweetly* “Merry Christmas!”

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Three Is A Crowd But Also Allowed

| Canada | Romantic | October 15, 2013

(It is February 13th. There is a customer staring at the Valentine’s cards. He is near tears. I am nearby waiting for my cousin who works here, and is my ride home.)

My Cousin: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “No, thanks. Wait… no. No.”

My Cousin: “Now that sounds like a cry for help. Talk to me; what’s wrong?”

Customer: *sadly and rather awkwardly, in lots of broken sentences* “I can’t… I… this couple. We’ve been having threesomes and I want to get them something. I love them. Both. So much. But they’re married, and they’re my best friends, and I don’t want to ruin everything.”

My Cousin: “How can a card ruin everything? You think telling people you’ve been having sex with that you love them will scare them off?”

Customer: “I… don’t want to presume.”

My Cousin: “Come on, you haven’t been standing here for a half hour because it’s a bad idea. You know what you want to do.”

(He nods slowly, and she helps him pick out a ‘to the woman I love’ and a ‘to the man I love’ cards. His hands shake the whole time he’s paying, and his knuckles are white around the little plastic bag as he leaves.)

Me: “Man, now the hot ones are, like, double taken.”

My Cousin: “I suddenly have a good feeling about the woman who was in here a few days ago buying a ‘for my husband’ and a ‘for my boyfriend.'”

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Aisle Never Stop Answering You

| USA | Right | September 7, 2012

(I work in a small card shop in a mall. It’s rather cramped and the aisles are difficult to navigate if there are many people in the store. Small note: There are two phones in the store; one in the office, one near the registers.)

Manager: “[Me], will you please put these cards back in their pockets?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I begin to walk to the proper space when an older customer stops me, smiling.)

Customer: “NOW what are you going to do?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “What happens if the phone rings and you can’t get past me to get it? Do you just let it ring?”

Me: “No, there is a phone near the registers.”

Customer: “What? Nuh-uh. There can’t be one up there!”

Me: “I believe there is still a phone up there, sir.”

Customer: “Prove it! Show me!”

(I take the customer up to the registers and show him there is indeed another phone.)

Customer: “You smart alec! Why do you need two phones in a small store?!”

Me: “In case the store is full and we can’t reach the other in time.”

Customer: *quickly exits the store, defeated*

Manager: “What the heck just happened?!”

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This Problem Has Been Addressed

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Right | March 29, 2011

Customer: “I haven’t been receiving my coupons in the mail! I want you to fix it!”

Me: “Okay. Let me look you up in our system.”

(The customer isn’t coming up under the phone number, last name, or zip code.)

Customer: “Oh. When I signed up, I didn’t put that info down.”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “I don’t want you guys mailing me junk!”

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