Hitching Your Way To A Speeding Ticket

, , , , | Friendly | April 11, 2020

Years ago, I used to make a regular run between two cities for the company I worked for. I frequently picked up hitchhikers.

Hitchhiker: “Where are you headed?”

Me: “[City].”

Hitchhiker: “Great! The [Bus Company] driver knows me and he was being an a**hole and stranded me here. When do you expect to get to [City]?”

Me: “[Time].”

Hitchhiker: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I know my route pretty well.”

Hitchhiker: *Laughing* “We’ll beat the bus back. I’ll go talk to the station master when we arrive and I’ll tell him what the jerk did. The proof will be my luggage on the bus.”

I used to drive like a bat out of h***, so I beat the bus by about an hour. My return trip was 225 miles and we passed the bus on the highway before reaching town. I don’t know how it turned out as I dropped him off at the depot when we got in.

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Semi Truck + Migraine = Awkward Talk With Dad

, , , , | Related | April 9, 2020

When I am in college, I am still living at home. I am also working but share a car with my parents — that is, I get it if neither of them needs it. This particular day, my dad is picking me up from work. We are in the car on the freeway during rush hour.

I have a horrible migraine that isn’t being helped by the stop and go of the semi next to us; sunlight is hitting between the cab and the load the driver is carrying and I am just not feeling well. I’ve started trying to turn to the best of my ability, closing my eyes as I am leaning against the window. I am very single.

Dad: *Side-eyeing me* “Are you all right?

Me: “Yeah, just a headache. Semi isn’t helping.”

Dad: *Still side-eyeing me* “You sure you’re okay?”

Me: *Opening my eyes* “Yeah, why?”

Dad: “It’s just… you’re not… you’re not pregnant, are you?”

Me: “No!”

Dad: “Okay, okay. Do you know how that works, though?”

Me: “Yeah, do you?”

Dad: “Of course, I do!”

Me: “Well, I’m missing one very key part of that equation!”

I started laughing at the look of shock on his face. Really, even if I had been pregnant, he would have been fine, but I think he was more surprised by my response.

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Driving Right Into Instant Karma

, , , , , | Legal | April 8, 2020

I’m working at a large cycling event with over 15,000 cyclists on the roads. I’m at a road closure on a major road, making sure nobody drives onto the route. We have no jurisdiction to physically stop people, just to advise them of the consequences if they cross the block. I’ve just received a message from my boss telling me to be on the lookout for a police van coming to arrest some protesters inside the route.

Angry Driver: “What right do you have to close these roads? Why can you tell me where I can and can’t drive?”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am, but this area is shut under the Road Traffic Regulation Act.”

Angry Driver: “Don’t try and hide behind the law. You don’t have permission to do this; my friend is a police sergeant and she knows nothing about the event. If you don’t let me through, I’m reporting you to the police!”

Me: “The police definitely know about this event; if you go past this point you’ll be liable for a £1000 fine. And if you want to report me to the police, just let me know; I can contact them on this radio and save you some time.”

Angry Driver: “Stop lying to me! You can’t infringe my rights like this. I’m going inside and I’ll prove you’re lying.”

The customer gets out of her car and starts moving the road cones out of the way. While she’s doing this, the aforementioned police van turns up with five or six policemen inside. They’re stuck behind the angry driver so one of the officers steps out to see what the problem is. He looks at me, and after seeing that she’s ignoring what I’m saying, he speaks up.

Police Officer: “Excuse me, is this the woman you just called in about? Is it just the fine or is she also being a public disturbance?”

The angry driver heard this, dropped the cones, ran back to her car, and sped off in the other direction.

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Unfiltered Story #190978

, , | Unfiltered | March 30, 2020

(My family and I decide to take a trip to Tennessee from Indiana for the weekend and it is my first time driving that long at one time. My mother is in the passenger seat and as we are crossing the Kentucky – Tennessee border we get stopped in a sobriety checkpoint.)

Officer: Ma’am I’m going to need to see your ID. This is just a safety check.

(I dig out and give him my license and my mom talks to him as I do.)

Officer: Thank you. Have you had anything to drink tonight?

Mom: I haven’t.. oh I guess you should be answering that.

Me: Only for a wine tasting and that was 4 hours ago.

Officer: Alright you have a good night now.

Actually, English Mastiffs Are The Biggest… Wrong Time?

, , , , , | Related | March 23, 2020

(My brother has always had a way of getting people to their breaking points of frustration and anger with little to no effort. I don’t remember what this argument was about since it was so many years ago, and my dad was always the “talk things out” parent, so the fact he confided in me years later that he’d been uncomfortably close to pulling over and hitting my brother meant he was SERIOUSLY at his limit.

I’m in the car with my brother and my dad and they’ve been arguing. I’ve never seen my dad so mad before or since. There’s been a tense silence in the few minutes after their argument when my brother decides there’s a very important and unrelated question he needs answered.)

Brother: *as if he hadn’t just been arguing with my father* “Hey, Dad? What’s the biggest dog you know of?”

Dad: *in the angriest tone I’ve ever heard him use* “A SAINT F****** BERNARD.”

(Dad, I very sincerely love how, even at the angriest I’ve ever seen you, you still took the time to sincerely answer your son.)

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