Aunt Marge Learned Her Lesson, And She Taught One, As Well

, , , , , , | Related | August 8, 2020

In fourth or fifth grade, I start reading the “Harry Potter” series. I’m reading the third book in the car while my mother drives. I come across a word I don’t know. I’m a very innocent and sheltered kid.

Me: “Mom?”

Mom: “Yeah?”

Me: “What’s a bitch?”

Mom: *After a stunned silence* “What on earth are you reading?”

Me:The Prisoner of Azkaban. Aunt Marge said, ‘If there’s something wrong with the bitch, there’ll be something wrong with the pup’.”

I don’t remember what she told me, but I’m pretty sure I nearly gave her a heart attack.

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In The Dark On The Subject Of Rudeness

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 5, 2020

My parents are dropping off our taxes and the preparer we go to happens to be our neighbor. When they come back, they give me a lecture.

Dad: “You know, [Neighbor] says that she always waves to you when you’re walking the dog up the road, but you never wave back! It’s super rude.”

Me: “You mean the neighbor whose car windows are tinted so dark you can’t see inside?”

Dad: “Oh, fair enough.”

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A Ding In The Hands Of A Ding-Dong

, , , , , , | Legal | August 3, 2020

My dad had six years with no claims on his insurance and his current insurance was up for renewal in around three months.

We were shopping one day and when we were heading back to the car, we were hit with over ninety-kilometre-per-hour winds. Thus, when my dad went to open the car door, it was blown out of his grasp and hit the door of the car next to us. We checked a few times and realised the only damage was a scratch in the paint as his door just scraped the outside of theirs. 

We waited for them to come out and when they did, my dad calmly explained what had happened and that it was an accident, handing over his insurance details along with his phone number in case this other guy’s insurance needed to hear it from him, too.

The guy was fine with it and said there was no use to get in contact with them as it was only a light scratch. Between them, over the course of ten or fifteen minutes, they agreed for my dad to pay for the scratch to be painted over. We left it at that, other than confirming where the “repair” was getting done so my dad could pay them, and we took pictures. There was text communication between them over the next few days confirming this was what was agreed.

Everything was all done and dandy… or so we thought. When it came time for my dad to renew his insurance, he was shocked at the quotes he was getting. He was currently paying approximately £300 per annum, and the cheapest he was being quoted was £550. He suspected there was an issue with the website, so he called them up to speak to someone where he was given the same quotation.

Understandably, he was confused, so he asked why it had almost doubled when he’d had a six-year no-claim bonus. The operator promised they would look into it and call him back within the hour. When he got the call back, that was when he found out this other guy did file a claim, despite saying he didn’t feel like they needed to as the matter had been solved civilly. My dad had proof of this via text. He was told that the other guy had provided pictures of “extensive” damage and had been awarded a payout.

Now, my dad was even more confused. A paint scratch is not extensive damage, and he’d covered for it to be repainted.

He told the operator all of this and it was just silent for a long time. Then, he was told to submit all the evidence online, but he didn’t have Internet at his house, so it was agreed that someone would be coming around to assess the evidence a week from then. They also confirmed that they had placed a temporary hold on the insurance to cover the time period.

So, a week later, we got a knock on the door. We assumed it was the person being sent out — alongside a police officer. That was when it dawned on us how serious this was. We showed them the evidence, including dates, times, messages, pictures, etc. Then, they asked for the name of the company who repainted the car and we gladly gave it. It was only a mile from where we lived. We both assumed they went there to confirm things with the owner of the place, but we were kept out of the loop for another fortnight whilst they investigated.

Finally, we got a call and the full picture came out. They had ruled in our favour. The guy in question had gotten into an accident a month or so later, which was where the extensive damage came from. He’d worded it that my dad was the cause, but my dad’s picture, alongside messages, proved the timing did not fit. The payout he’d been awarded had to be paid back in full to the insurance company and my dad’s rates would be lowered to £320, which was roughly what he was expecting it to be. We found out in the local newspaper that the guy was found guilty of insurance fraud and got stuck with a large fine alongside a six-month jail sentence.

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Polly Participates In Perilous Pranks!

, , , , , | Friendly | August 3, 2020

After totaling my step-mother’s old car, I’m given an old Ford Escort hatchback that was donated to her church by a sweet little old lady who had absolutely no idea how to drive with a standard transmission. The gears were ground completely smooth because, by her own instructions she’d left on how to drive the car, she’d never used the clutch to change gears and maybe didn’t even know what the third pedal was for.

The car turned out to be a money sink, for various reasons, but it was mine and I loved it and would often volunteer to chauffeur any number of friends around. This became all the more fun for me when, after taking a particularly hard turn one day, the keys went flying out of the ignition and across the cab. After my initial panic and a bit of experimentation, I learned that the keys could be pulled straight out of the ignition after starting the car and the car would remain running. How exciting!

From then on, whenever I had someone new in the passenger’s seat, I would wait until we were cruising along and then casually pull my keys out and say, “Can you hold this?”

It turns out that a lot of people will just take whatever you hand them without looking first. I got reactions ranging from laughter, to surprised swears, to asking if I had a set of dummy keys, to everything in between, all without crashing — as I learned only just recently that you can actually turn the car off like this if you accidentally turn the key, and say goodbye to power steering.

That old boat of a car had plenty of — often very costly — quirks, but the key trick was by far my favorite. You were a good ol’ car, Polly. I hope you’re still running and accidentally scaring the bejesus out of people wherever you ended up after I finally sold you.

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Unfiltered Story #201659

, , , , | Unfiltered | July 30, 2020

In Australia, local council rangers are generally the people who issue parking fines for street parking. I worked for one of the most affluent suburbs council, who’s rangers were the authority for issuing parking fines.

The main drag had a free parking, but a maximum of half an hour. Being a very popular area, this was fairly strictly enforced. The fine for exceeding the maximum allowed time was $50.

We had one lady who was quite known to the council for being nasty to us. She parked her $120,000 Range Rover on the main drag, in said half hour zone. She exceeded the allowed half hour and was issued a parking fine by a senior ranger. The council offices were just down the road.

She came into the council office, ticket in hand, demanding to see the senior ranger. The senior ranger agreed to see her.

Lady: (being super nasty to the senior ranger) What is this s***? I was NOT parked here for more than half an hour. You are just revenue raising. This council is corrupt. You are simply picking on me because I’m rich. I bet you get a cut of this fine or something.

Senior ranger: When you park there for more than half an hour, or anyone else for that matter. we issue you an infringement notice. Simple

The lady continues on a rant, whilst the senior ranger just stands there, taking it all in her stride.

Senior ranger: Look, you were parked there for more than half an hour, thats why you were fined. You have a few options. Pay the $50, elect to take this matter to court, or supply the council with a statutory deceleration outlining how you were not there for more than half an hour, or whatever the case is.

(In Australia, A statutory deceleration is a legal document that you have notarized, swearing that the facts you are saying is true. It’s a criminal offense to provide a statutory deceleration with material that is false)

Lady: This is bull. I am going to submit a statutory deceleration. You’re all corrupt.

The lady indeeds properly submits a statutory deceleration, swearing that she was not there for more than half an hour. We accept the statutory deceleration, and withdraw the fine.

The council reviews the matter. The lady parked directly in front of one of the council’s CCTV cameras. So the council her to court on the charge of lying on a statutory deceleration. What I was told is that the council simply went to court, pressed play, showed the judge the time stamp of when she parked, played the video until she left, and pointed out the difference in the timestamps being 46 minutes.

As the statutory deceleration was proven to be false. not only was the $50 fine reinstated, she now has a criminal record.