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Here’s A Hint: Jettas Don’t Have The Horsie On Them

, , , | Right | October 25, 2022

I worked for a rental car company at an airport for a few years. I was out in the parking lot and someone waved me down.

Customer: “My car isn’t starting! I want a different car, now!”

I took one look at the keys and the car he was in.

Me: “Sir, you are in the wrong car. Yours is over there.”

The dude was in a Ford Mustang when he had rented a VW Jetta. Honestly, the dude probably thought he could scam us for the Mustang.

The Failed First Draft Of “The Fast And The Furious”

, , , , , | Working | CREDIT: redditadmindumb87 | October 10, 2022

When I sold cars, we had a really nice showroom with large glass windows. They were maybe twenty feet wide and twenty feet tall. (I’m not sure, but they were BIG.)

One Saturday, right before opening, I was tasked with moving a powerful V8 sports car, which was in the showroom. I was supposed to reverse the vehicle into position. However, the floor had just been mopped.

I put the car in what I thought was reverse (manual transmission). When I started to let up the clutch, I felt the wheels slip, so I thought, “The floor is slippery. Just give it a little bit more.”

I gave it a little bit more, and the car launched forward into the large glass pane. (Thank God the car was a hard-top.) When this happened, I freaked and let go of the clutch, and the car had enough power to break the glass pane.

I was called into the general manager’s office, and he asked me for the facts. I told him what happened.

Manager: “Are you okay with doing a breathalyzer?”

Me: “Yes.”

I hadn’t been drinking that morning or the day prior, so I passed.

Manager: “Well, you’re sober, so that’s good.”

Me: “Yeah, I am. This was just an incredibly dumb mistake.”

Manager: “Yeah, it was.”

Me: “So… am I fired?”

Manager: *Laughing* “You are too expensive to fire now.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Manager: “Do you know how much it’s going to cost me to replace that glass pane?”

Me: “A lot, I imagine.”

Manager: *Laughs* “Yeah, probably more than the car you used to drive through it.”

Me: “Oh, wow. So, I’m not fired?”

Manager: “Oh, h*** no. I know you will never, ever do that again. From now on, you’re in charge of moving cars inside the showroom. Now get back to work.”

And I went back to work.

I personally refused to move cars in the showroom for about a month or so. Eventually, I started doing it again, and I never had another accident.

She Seems Really Cross (Walk)

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: 70zCowboy | October 7, 2022

In my store’s parking lot, there’s a crosswalk. It’s not part of the road; it’s specifically a place to cross part of the lot. It’s clearly marked to prevent customers from parking there. However, one day as I’m walking into work with a friend, I notice a car parked in said crosswalk. Its windows are tinted and the car isn’t running, so I can’t tell if there are people inside or not. We need to walk there, so I just walk around, give the car a strange look, and say to my friend:

Me: “That’s an odd place to park.”

We walk a couple of feet when a lady gets out of the car and yells at us.

Lady: “HEY, DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s a crosswalk. You can’t park there.”

Lady: “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND WALK AROUND!”

After this, I just walked into the store, and she was gone the next time I looked. I would’ve gone on arguing, but hey, I was in front of my job with my uniform on. Plus, if someone’s going to park in the crosswalk intentionally, they probably don’t take kindly to common sense.

Like Talking To A Concrete Wall

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: squazify | October 6, 2022

I’m a network engineer for multifamily stuff. I deal with everything from helping tenants figure out their routers to configuring the actual network. Most of my job, however, is just educating people on the finer points of the Internet — you know, “Your Internet sucks because you bought a router from 2006,” or, “You’re not going to get 1G over Wi-Fi. Plug in if you want better speeds,” or, “If you complain about 750Mb/s during peak hours, you’re gonna get a brickin’.” — that type of thing.

It’s a Friday. I’m eyeing the clock, ready for my shift to end at beer-thirty. Suddenly, the phone rings. Normally, I don’t take calls on Friday just before beer-thirty, but today is different. It’s [Property Manager].

Property Manager: “I have no signal in the parking garage.”

That’s odd, as the access point is checking into the controller, but I dispatch a tech to check it out.

The tech calls back.

Tech: “It’s working fine. Coverage is a little spotty in some further areas, but overall, it’s great.”

I call [Property Manager] back and let her know that everything appears to be working.

On Monday, I come in to find a ticket from [Property Manager]. She says the Wi-Fi still isn’t working. I press for more details. It turns out that one of her tenants isn’t able to update his electric car. I call [Property Manager].

Me: “We’ve verified that the Wi-Fi is working, and I can see it working for other folks. Can I speak to [Car Owner]?”

It turns out this is unacceptable. To appease [Property Manager], I send out a tech to install a long-range access point just in case, and afterward, I walk the parking garage with [Property Manager].

Me: “Okay. We’ve walked the entire garage. You saw I had a signal the entire time, correct?”

Property Manager: “Correct.”

Me: “So, if [Car Owner] calls and complains, it’s not on our end. Can you make sure he gets that message?”

Property Manager: “Yeah. He’s not going to like it, though.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

A week later, [Property Manager] is calling in again. [Car Owner] refuses to speak with us and is still having the issue. I have to really pressure to get to where I can meet [Car Owner] to investigate and see if I can help. I finally get [Car Owner] to agree to meet me during his lunch.

When I finally meet [Car Owner], the issue is immediately clear. He has found more or less the only parking stall completely surrounded by concrete.

Me: “Well, there’s your issue; you’re surrounded by concrete. The signal is great everywhere but here.”

Car Owner: “So, you can’t fix it?”

Me: “There’s nothing to fix. The signal is great everywhere but the one stall with giant concrete walls. Just park somewhere else.”

Car Owner: “No. You need to get this fixed.”

Me: “Oh, you have assigned parking? We can talk to [Property Manager] about getting you a different stall.”

Car Owner: “No. I don’t.”

Me: “Then what’s the issue? I don’t see any [Electric Car] charging stuff here.”

Car Owner: “I’m not going to park somewhere else and let someone ding my [Car Model] with their car. I pay good money to live here, and I haven’t been able to update my firmware once. This needs to get fixed.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t change this. If you want, we can see about running a cable and equipment to just where your car is. It’ll be at least $6,000 because we need to penetrate a whole bunch of concrete — and that’s if [Property Manager] agrees to it. Or you can park your car in a different stall. Your choice.”

I informed [Property Manager] of the situation and the potential fix. I never heard back.

Luckily, There Are Other Fishies In The Sea

, , , , , , | Related | October 5, 2022

My ex is a bit of a leech, and since he can’t drive, he often asks for my help driving him places. On the evening in question, his mother has been staying over with me to help with my daughter. She gets along far better with me than she does with him, and she’s sick of his crap. We are going to shop at a different store than he is, so we drop him off.

As we are leaving the store, my phone starts ringing off the hook with my impatient ex on the other end. (I call my former mother-in-law “Momma” as she has become my surrogate mom since my real mom died.)

Momma: “Looks like we have to go catch [Ex].”

Me: “Can I throw him back?”

Momma: “You already did.”

Me: “That’s true… Wait, no.”

I gesture to the daughter I share with my ex.

Me: “He’s on the hook for the next ten years.”

Momma: “Unfortunately.”