The Road Doesn’t Care About Your “Feelings”

, , , | Friendly | September 24, 2019

After getting out of work, my husband picks me up at home so we can go shopping together. On our way, we stop at this really busy intersection where we sometimes have to wait a few minutes to be able to make a left turn.

We are behind a woman in a minivan and there is no other car behind us at this point. After at least three minutes, she has had more than enough time to turn on many occasions but she keeps starting to move and then changing her mind and hitting the brakes. We are getting a bit annoyed, and when there is a break in traffic and she is still not turning, my husband decides to honk the car horn once. 

About a minute goes by and there is finally another break in traffic, but to our utter disbelief, she opens her door and gets out of her car. She walks up next to our car and starts screaming at my husband that he doesn’t understand that it’s when she “feels like it” that she will be able to turn and that she really needs to “feel like it”! She actually makes the air quotes saying that. My husband is at a loss for words, but I tell her that while she is waiting to “feel like it,” other people are waiting. The woman goes silent when she sees that there is now a long line of about ten cars behind us and other people are honking. A good thirty seconds later, the woman is still standing there like an idiot with her mouth open. 

Realizing that we are going to wait a really, really long time for her to move, my husband decides to change lanes and turn right to find an alternate route. A few minutes later at a stop sign, he makes eye contact with me, looking really serious and he asks me, “Did that just happen?” I tell him that two people can’t have the same hallucination, so yes, it did, and we both burst out in laughter. 

I really don’t know how she managed to get her driver’s license!

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I’m On The Skater Boi, He Said Honk And Kill Me Boi

, , , , , | Friendly | September 23, 2019

I was sitting in my car, waiting at a red light, when I heard the bang of something hitting the passenger side of my car, behind the door. I looked over my shoulder and in the side mirror but didn’t see anything. The light then changed to green, and the road was busy and extra narrow because of construction, so if I got out of my car to look, I’d have been holding up all sorts of traffic. I started to go, but the car behind me honked. I knew something was wrong so I put my car in park and got out — to find a skateboarder under my car!

He had — I would guess — lost control on the bumps of the torn-up sidewalk, hit my car, and then climbed under my car to retrieve his board. His hip was near my back tire and I would have cut him in two had the car behind not honked.

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The Oldies Top Forty

, , , , , , | Romantic | September 21, 2019

(My partner and I are both Generation X. We’re in the car listening to the radio.)

DJ: ”…and tune in this weekend when we play all the songs from the 80s you grew up with! This is [callsign], your favorite Internet oldies station!” *starts playing U2*

Me: *disgruntled* “I really wish they’d stop calling 80s music ‘oldies.’ It’s not!”

Partner: “Well, it was almost forty years ago.” 

Me: *doing the math and finding no way around it* “Shut up.”

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The State Of California Maybe Has A Point

, , , , | Legal | September 20, 2019

(A friend of mine in high school has an older brother who is 1) legally blind and 2) completely lacking in fear or common sense. His vision is such that the center of his field of view is black, so he can only see out of the edges of his eyes. He manages to ride bicycles and such okay, although he has had a few close calls. When he moves to California, he buys a used motorcycle. He is riding it and gets pulled over by a cop for speeding.)

Cop: “May I see your license, please?”

Brother: “The good state of California didn’t see fit to give a blind man a license, officer.”

(Yeah, he ended up getting hauled down to the station for that one. Got charged with reckless endangerment. But he had a snappy comeback!)

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Unfiltered Story #163217

, , | Unfiltered | September 12, 2019

MY compnay is on a private estate but allows the public to use the route through as a shortcut for £150 pe annum; most passes are bought by parents to get to the private school on the eastern side of the estate. No-one is allowed to tailgate through the barriers at either end , they must use their access fob and we, as employees are expected to challenge people who try to tailgate behind us without using their fob.
I stopped once through our barrier because a soccer mom was tailgating me. SHe shot past the fob sensor and braked.I went to her car and told her she wasn’t allowed to tailgate.She showed me her fob so I said that just this once I’d let her though. I went back to my car and got in when a car horn beeped loudly behind me. I got out and returned to her car thinking she wanted some attention. She shouted at me to “just get out of the way”. I politely explained to her it was part of my job and she shouted at me to just move my car. Smiling I returned to my car but she then demanded I come back. She demanded my name shouting that she was going to make a complaint about me. I gladly showed her my ID and spelled my name out for her. “Right” she screeched ” i’m going to report you!”. I said that was fine and not to worry if she couldn’t remeber our conversation exactly as it would all have been recorded on the close circuit camera facing us and only 9 ft away. Her face was a picture ( I want it on a mouse mat)…..she gabbled then screamed at me that she’d doen nothing to be ashamed of. I turned , smiled at the camera , gave a thumbs up and said to the camera ” did ya get all that”. I got in my car and two days later the company suspended her access fob and banned her from having another .

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