(A family friend is traveling to England.)
Mom: “Did you see [Friend]’s status? She got to see the real Tetris!”
Me: “The what?”
Mom: “You know, the Tetris! The blue box thing from that weird show you watch!”
Me: “You mean the Tardis?”
Mom: “Yeah, whatever.”
(I am driving my eight-year-old daughter to school early in the morning when a news story comes on the radio station.)
Radio: “The bodyguard of [Famous Singer] is suing because she farted in his presence.”
Daughter: “Oh, my God! Why would she do that to that man’s presents?”
(My cousin and I are in the backseat. We’re on our way to Halloween party, talking about the Amish.)
Me: “Did you know that the Amish can’t play music?”
Cousin: “Even in their cars?”
Me: *facepalm*
(On a family trip to California, I spot part of a sign on the highway saying ‘PEACHES.’ My little eight-year-old sister and I both love fresh peaches from a farm in California.)
Me: “Look, [Sister’s Name]! Peaches!”
(When I see the whole sign, it turns out it’s actually an advertisement for an 18+ gentleman’s club, and not real peaches like I initially thought.)
Me: *embarrassed* “…not these kind of peaches!”
(My sister laughs hysterically.)
(While driving my five- and seven-year-old boys to school, we happen to follow a truck that has a huge sign posted on the back. The boys read it out loud in unison.)
Both Boys: “DIVORCE. $399. Call 718-[number] now.”
Five-Year-Old: “What?! Now they’re giving away money if you get divorced?”
Seven-Year-Old: “Wow! That’s tons of money. [Five-Year-Old’s Name], your girlfriend and you got divorced in September. You should get $399 each! And it’s here because it’s a 718 number! That’s a New York area code!”
Five-Year-Old: “Ooh! A New York exclusive?”
