Visions Of Dogs Chasing Their Own Tails

, , | Right | June 10, 2008

Customer: “This electronic key does not work in my car.”

Me: “Does it turn in the ignition?”

Customer: “Yes, but it will not start.”

(I put the original and copy key in my magic decoder box and they check out fine.)

Me: “Well, let me have a look… Where is your car?”

Customer: “At home.”

Me: “Well, you have to drive it here.”

Customer: “But the key does not work.”

Me: “Use your original key.”

Customer: “That does not work either.”

Me: “Okay, let me explain how this works. I make a copy of your key. If your key does not work, then the new key will not work either.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Let me put it like this. If you copy a paper with misspelled words the copier will not correct the spelling, because it’s a copy! What happens when you try the key?”

Customer: “The dash says ‘Code not found.'”

Me: “Well, then the problem is the car, not the key. It is not reading the code on the key.”

Customer: “So make me another.”

Me: “The problem is the car. Are you going to pay when the next one does not work?”

Customer: “No, I’m not going to pay for a key that does not work!”

Me: “So you want me to keep making keys for you until one works or I run out of them. But you will not pay for any of the keys that do not work even though the problem is your car, not the key.”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m just not that stupid.”

 

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Keyless Start, Please Meet Clueless (Old) Fart

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2008

(A customer comes out and hands me his valet ticket for his car. I go back to the key box and notice that I had written that he hadn’t given me his keys. He had one of those key-less start cars that you don’t need to put in a key to drive, but the key still has to be in the car to start it.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, you did not give me the keys to your car.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. You see this is a key-less start car here, son. You don’t need a key to start it.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am aware that it is a key-less start, but I still need the key to be in the car to start it.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand me here, kid. It is KEY-LESS. You don’t need my key. Now please just go get my car.”

Me: “Sir, I know what you are saying, but I have parked many other cars like this..”

Customer: “Listen to me, boy! I am an adult! I have had that car for a while, and I think I know a little more about how it works than you, don’t you think?! Now go get my car or I will tell the manager!”

(I try to tell him once again that I need the key, but he just screams and goes to get the manager. I tell the manager what the problem is.)

Manager: “Sir, he is correct. You need the key to start the car.”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! Are you all idiots here?!”

(I take him and the manager to his car. I ask him for the key, which he gives me.)

Me: “Sir, please show me how to start the car without the key inside.”

Customer: “Okay, fine, then!”

(He tries to press the engine start button, which doesn’t start.)

Customer: “…”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “Well, are you going to give me the keys so I can start my car?! Jesus, everyone knows you can’t start this type of car without a key! You should be fired!”

(That was the night I quit my job.)

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