Every Valet’s Dream Come True

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2009

(A man pulls into the parking lot with a beautiful 1972 Rolls Royce. As a general rule, when someone comes in with a car that nice I just let them park it themselves right upfront. This conversation takes place as he is leaving the restaurant.)

Customer: “I need you to pull my car around for me.”

Me: “I never took the keys from you.”

Customer: “The keys are in the ignition. Please go get my car.”

Me: “Well, if you insist…”

(I pull the car around VERY carefully.)

Customer: “That was completely unacceptable. I want you to drive around again, only this time when you start off, do a burnout!”


This story is included in our Awesome Customer story roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the story roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
7,477

Outlaws In Utero

, , , | Right | June 5, 2009

Caller: “I want to complain. I was driving in the carpool lane and I got a ticket, but I’m pregnant with twins, so they count as two passengers!”

Me: “Um… I don’t think the policeman would have any way of knowing that…”

Caller: “But I showed him a picture from my ultrasound!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m pretty sure passengers have to be outside of your body.”

Caller: “Oh!”


Did you find this story using our Police roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,033

Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Sunny Side Up

, , | Right | June 1, 2009

(A woman returns to our car wash with a scowl on her face, 15 minutes after leaving. Note that she drives a black Beetle and it’s been 80 degrees with sunny skies for the past week.)

Me: “Hi, welcome back!”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to speak with your owner, please.”

Me: “He’s having a conference call right now. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, my car is still dirty.”

Me: “Oh, did the mud not wash off the back?”

Customer: “There was no mud. The egg didn’t wash off the roof of my car.”

Me: “Um, someone egged you car? How long has the egg been there?”

Customer: “A week or so, but that’s not the point. It didn’t wash off!”

Me: “Ma’am, the egg is baked into your paint. It’s never going to wash off.”

Customer: “What?! It’s just a f****** egg! My car is not a god-d*** frying pan! It was some friends playing a joke… Just wash it off!”

Me: “Ma’am, the egg is baked on. You have to get it repainted. Whoever egged your car is no friend of yours.”

(The customer suddenly gets very quiet and glares at me.)

Customer: *whispers* “Who have you been talking to?”

(The customer pointed her finger at my face and began to slowly back out the door. She then sat in her car and slowly drove off… without breaking her stare.)

1 Thumbs
3,816

Those Darned Falling Gas Prices

, , | Right | November 10, 2008

Customer: “I paid for $21 and it stopped at $15!”

Me: “Is it full?”

Customer: “No, I paid for $21!”

Me: *squeezes nozzle* “Okay… I got a couple drops in, but I really think you’re full.”

Customer: “But I put in $21. Why won’t it fill up? I know it isn’t full!”

(At this point I pull the nozzle out and gas comes shooting out of the tank like Coke and Mentos.)

Customer: “There’s a hole in my car. What can I do?!”

Me: “No, you’re just full.”

Customer: “WHY?! This never happens at other gas stations! I don’t understand the problem!”

1 Thumbs
2,823

Visions Of Dogs Chasing Their Own Tails

, , | Right | June 10, 2008

Customer: “This electronic key does not work in my car.”

Me: “Does it turn in the ignition?”

Customer: “Yes, but it will not start.”

(I put the original and copy key in my magic decoder box and they check out fine.)

Me: “Well, let me have a look… Where is your car?”

Customer: “At home.”

Me: “Well, you have to drive it here.”

Customer: “But the key does not work.”

Me: “Use your original key.”

Customer: “That does not work either.”

Me: “Okay, let me explain how this works. I make a copy of your key. If your key does not work, then the new key will not work either.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Let me put it like this. If you copy a paper with misspelled words the copier will not correct the spelling, because it’s a copy! What happens when you try the key?”

Customer: “The dash says ‘Code not found.'”

Me: “Well, then the problem is the car, not the key. It is not reading the code on the key.”

Customer: “So make me another.”

Me: “The problem is the car. Are you going to pay when the next one does not work?”

Customer: “No, I’m not going to pay for a key that does not work!”

Me: “So you want me to keep making keys for you until one works or I run out of them. But you will not pay for any of the keys that do not work even though the problem is your car, not the key.”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m just not that stupid.”

 

1 Thumbs
4,045