(I’m in high school. My grandmother is driving me to a doctor’s appointment after school when a rainstorm starts up. The rain gets so heavy that we can’t see anything, even with the windshield wipers on full power. There is traffic around us and I’m getting worried. My grandmother is unfazed.)

Me: “Grandma, shouldn’t we pull over?”

Grandmother: “No, we’re fine.”

(A few minutes go by. The rain doesn’t let up.)

Grandmother: “You know, sometimes in the rain… brakes fail.”

Me: “What?!”

Grandmother: “I just thought you’d want to know.”

Me: “Why would I want to know that?!”

(My dad, sister, cousin and friend are all in a car together with me. My cousin is talking about TVs.)

Cousin: “So, [My Name], have you heard of those TVs that curve inward?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Cousin: “Well, what if you took your TV, went to a welders and bent it, so that way it could be cool no matter what.”

Friend: “Oh! Yeah! And you could stretch it so that it’s one of those cool big TVs!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think that would work. Technology and heat don’t work well together. The wiring would melt and break.”

Friend: “STOP USING YOUR SCIENCE ON MY FUN!”

(My boyfriend and I have a lot of wild sex and often turn innocuous conversations sexual. This day, we are on our way to a local steel manufacturer to pick up supplies with his truck.)

Boyfriend: *to himself* “Let’s see, how much steel should we get… I have a six foot bed…”

Me: *thinking he meant the bed we sleep in* “Are you planning on reinforcing it? It has been creaking and shifting a lot.”

Boyfriend: “… I was talking about what I can fit in my truck bed.”

Me: “Oh… Well, we had talking about making a steel head and footboard!”

Boyfriend: “I love you.”

(My best friend’s family and I are eating lunch. Suddenly, her four-year-old sister asks her mother:)

Younger Sister: “Mommy, what’s a clitoris?”

(We all stop eating and just look at my friend’s mother to see what her answer will be.)

Mother: “Hmm… well… a clitoris is… like a really pretty little white flower…”

Younger Sister: “Okay, thank you!”

(Her little sister just finishes her lunch and leaves the table like nothing happened.)

Mother: “I just don’t think I am ready to have this conversation with her yet.”

(Fast forward a couple of weeks. We all are in our way to the waterpark. My friend’s mother is driving, her young sister is in the front, and my friend and I are in the back seats. Her little sister is looking at the window and just starts yelling.)

Younger Sister: “Mommy, mommy! Look: a field of clitoris!”

(It was a field of daisies… We had to stop the car on the side of the road because we were laughing so hard!)

(My sister and I are very close, but very different people. The woman I married, however, is a lot like me. We’re in the car singing songs trying to keep my niece awake and we start singing ‘one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater.’)

Sister: “You know, sometimes when I’m with you two I feel like I’m trippin’.”