An Accident Fating To Happen

, , | Working | June 15, 2012

(I work in a research facility in the middle of nowhere, so I need my car to get to work. One night on the way home in bad weather, my car skids and hits a tree. After calling the police and my fiancé, I call my boss.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [name] from unit 8. I just wanted to call and say I won’t be in tomorrow. I’ve just had a car accident.”

Boss: “Oh my gosh, are you okay?”

Me: “I’m okay, but I think my car’s a write-off. I won’t be in until my insurance sorts a replacement.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll let everyone know.”

Me: “I can’t really afford to take any unpaid leave right now. Would it be okay if tomorrow was classed as annual holiday? I’ve got some time saved up.”

Boss: “No problem.”

(I get a courtesy sorted the next day and only took one day off. A week later, though…)

Me: “Hi. I just got my payslip for last week and it’s a day short. Could you check that for me?”

Boss: *checks payslip* “Okay, I see it was for the day you had off after your car accident.”

Me: “But I thought we’d agreed that would be annual leave? Shouldn’t I have holiday pay for it?”

Boss: “We did. But you didn’t fill out a holiday form before you took the day off. I should have had the form a week before you had the accident!”

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Sparrow Meets Parrot

| Related | June 14, 2012

(I’m in the car with my sister and her three daughters. Her middle daughter has had her first sleepover.)

Niece: “Millie’s house was so cool! It’s really big and she has lots of pets. She even has a pirate!”

Me: “A pirate?”

Niece: “Yeah!”

Sister: “How can she have a pirate? You can’t keep them as pets.”

Niece: “But she did! And it could fly and talk and everything!”

Me: “…do you mean a parrot?”

Niece: *realises* “Oooh…”

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Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2

| Related | June 14, 2012

(My younger sister is dating a guy who is 5’4″, dangerously sarcastic, and half-Japanese. I usually get a lot of grief from my parents if I say anything negative about my sister.)

Sister: “You know, I like my men like I like my coffee.”

Me: *without skipping a beat* “Short, dark, and bitter?”

(Even our parents admitted I won that round.)


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Seedy Humor

| Related | June 12, 2012

(My sister is giving me a ride home. She has often complained about all the leaves that fall onto her car. This time, there is quite a significant amount of debris.)

Sister: “Ugh! All these leaves!”

Me: *laughing* “The trees are pooping on your car.”

(We both grin.)

Me: “Hmm. Actually, these are all seeds, so you know what those trees are actually doing on your car?” *eyebrow wiggling*

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Seven Was Taken

| Related | June 5, 2012

Little sister: “Mom?”

Mom: “Yes?”

Little sister: “When I grow up, do I get to choose my phone number?”

Mom: “No, honey.”

Little sister: “Well, mine’s gonna be 8!”

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