(In this story I am in my mid-teens. My younger brother and his friend are in the car, with my dad driving and playing his music.)
Brother’s Friend: “What’s this music?”
Dad: “KC and the Sunshine Band.”
Brother’s Friend: “He sounds kind of gay.”
Dad: “He probably slept with half the women in Florida.”
(Everyone but my brother’s friend starts laughing. I don’t recall him ever using “gay” in that fashion again!)
(My girlfriend had apparently ‘butt-dialed’ me by accident. After some silence from her, and the noise from the cd-player, I hear this:)
Girlfriend: “Tabouleh, tabouleh, I’m gonna make some tabouleh. Tabouleh, tabouleh, taluba-uba-uba-uba-oooouuu-leh.”
(I hung up and when she told me what she was making for dinner, I asked her if she had any tabouleh for it. She was thoroughly confused.)
(This happened when my brother and I were very young. My dad would tell us stories in the car.)
Dad: “Have I told you the story of the most ferocious animal alive?”
Me: “No?! What is it?”
Dad: “It’s… a zebra!”
Me: “What? A zebra? But it’s like a horse. How could it be the most ferocious animal?”
Dad: “Exactly! It’s like a horse, but why do we ride horses and not zebras?”
Brother: “…Are zebras really the scariest animal?”
Dad: “Yes! We tried to ride them, but they were much too angry! And that’s why we ride horses now.”
(This was almost 20 years ago and we still joke about ferocious zebras to this day!)
Me: *opens a bottle of soda and it makes a noise like a sneeze*
Dad: “Bless you.”
Me: “I didn’t sneeze, Dad. It was just my soda.”
Dad: “Oh… Well, then, to Hell with you.”
(I am about four, riding with my grandma as we pass an animal shelter.)
Grandma: “So what do you want for your birthday?”
Me: “A unicorn!”
Grandma: “Oh, honey. I think unicorns are extinct.”
Me: “That’s okay, Grandma. I’ll give it a bath!”
This story is part of our Unicorn roundup!
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Read the Unicorn roundup!
