Things Are All Swell

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Romantic | February 10, 2012

(I’ve just had my wisdom tooth removed, and have been told to eat only soft cool foods for a few days. My boyfriend and I are driving back from the supermarket.)

Me: “Hey, does my face look swollen?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I can’t see right now cause you’re on a weird angle.”

Me: “No, I mean, have you noticed if its looking swollen?”

Boyfriend: “Well, your face always looks lop-sided, so…”

(My smile fades, and I give him the death stare.)

Boyfriend: *laughing* “No! You’re beautiful. Even if your face is lop-sided.”

She’s Obviously Seen Jurassic Park III

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Related | February 9, 2012

(We are on the way home from school. I am having a conversation with my 5-year-old sister.)

Me: “Do you like dinosaur stories?”

Little sister: “Yeah! I love dinosaurs! Except, all the dinosaur stories I know end in pain.”

Mother Has Real Drive

| FL, USA | Related | February 9, 2012

(Mom is driving while dad and I in the car. We’ve already made a wrong turn out of a store and spent ten minutes weaving in and out of various plazas to get back on the main highway. We finally turn into the parking lot of the store we need and mom slams on the brakes and starts to reverse.)

Dad: *cringing against the dashboard* “Honey!”

Mom: “What!”

Dad: “I love you.”

Mom: “Nice sa–”

Dad: “In case I don’t get to say it later, because you kill us all.”

Singing Is A Thorny Issue

| Santiago, Chile | Related | February 8, 2012

(My sister and I are listening to the radio while I’m driving.)

Sister: *singing with the radio* “Every road has its stone!”

Me: “What the?”

Sister: “What?”

Me: “Did you just sing, ‘Every road has its stone’?”

Sister: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “Are you serious? It’s ‘Every rose has its thorn’!”

Sister: “Really?! Well, my way makes sense too, so leave me alone!”

Apology Stockpiling

| Canada | Romantic | February 7, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are running errands around town when he decides to stop at a flower shop. He proceeds to buy me flowers.)

Me: “Flowers? There a reason?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’m just being proactive. I’m sure I’ll say or do something stupid later.”

Me: “Well, thanks? You know, you’re still not going to get away with whatever stupid thing you say or do later, right?

Boyfriend: “Oh. Can I have those back, then?”

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