Do Not Free Willy

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Related | July 7, 2012

(I am driving home from the cinema with my 9-year-old son. I get cup up by another driver and in my frustration muttered ‘wanker’ under my breath.)

Son: “What’s a wanker, mum?”

Me: “Um, its a man who plays with his willy.”

Son: “Oh.” *looks contemplative* “But mum, how did you know he was playing with his willy?”

Not The Scariest Bogeyman

| PA, USA | Related | July 6, 2012

Daughter: *in the backseat* “Mommy, I made a boogeyman.”

(I absent-mindedly answer while helping to navigate.)

Me: “Okay, sweetie.”

(A moment passes.)

Me: *turning around to look* “Wait, what do you mean you made a boogeyman?”

Daughter: “I took my boogies, and made a little man. See?” *she holds it up to show me*

(My husband and I start laughing.)

Off-Beat Remark

| PA, USA | Related | July 5, 2012

(My sister is around 4, and my older brother is around 14. She likes spending time with watching his TV shows. My sister also calls my brother ‘Wy-wy’.)

Mom: “So, what did you guys do today?”

4-year-old Sister: “I watched TV with Wy-wy.”

Mom: “Really? That’s nice.”

(At that moment, my sister realizes we just passed a cop car.)

4-year-old Sister: “Oh, s***, it’s the fuzz! Mommy, drive faster!”

(At this point, we all are staring at my brother.)

Mom: “No more TV time with Wy-wy.”

Drive Over, Darling

| Houston, TX, USA | Romantic | July 1, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are heading out to meet some friends at a popular restaurant. Although the parking lot is packed, I manage to find a spot a few feet from the entrance.)

Boyfriend: “Wow, Doris Day parking!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Boyfriend: “It’s like old Doris Day movies. Whenever there was a shot of her driving somewhere, she always conveniently parked right by the front door.”

Me: “Oh, okay, gotcha.”

(A few weeks later, we go to see a movie, and I find a parking spot a few feet from the entrance of the theatre.)

Boyfriend: “Doris Day parking again!”

Me: “Ha! I guess I’ve just got good parking karma or something.”

(A few days after that, coincidentally the Saturday before Christmas, my boyfriend and I get in my car to go visit my parents.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, on the way, do you mind if we stop at Best Buy?”

Me: “Why?”

Boyfriend: “I just want to pick up a couple of things.”

Me: “Baby, it’s the Saturday before Christmas. It’s going to be anarchy in there. Can’t this wait?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, come on. You won’t even have to park; just drop me off and circle.”

Me: “Grrr, fine. Whatever.”

(Begrudgingly, I drive to Best Buy and pull into the parking lot, which is complete chaos. Within seconds, I find a spot a few feet from the entrance.)

Boyfriend: *stony silence*

Me: “Well, we’re here. Aren’t you going to go get that stuff you want?”

Boyfriend: *more stony silence*

Me: “Sweetheart? Are you alright?”


Wind Down Break Up

| OR, USA | Romantic | June 29, 2012

(I frequently drive my niece and nephew around, and usually keep the window lock on so only the driver can open windows. I’m going on a drive with my girlfriend of just two weeks.)

Girlfriend: *tries to open window* “Hey! Let me open the window!”

Me: “Oh sorry, I was driving [niece and nephew] around earlier.”

Girlfriend: *humph*

(Later, at a stop light.)

Girlfriend: *stabbing at the window controls* “D*** it, why did you lock it again? I want to open it! God, you’re so controlling with your car! I don’t think I can take it. It’s over!”

Me: “Your window’s already all the way open.”

Girlfriend: *silence* “…I don’t care.”

(That was the break-up.)

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