Customer: “I want a refund on your car wash!”

Me: “Did it not clean your car, ma’am?”

Customer: “Only the outside! But the inside is still filthy!”

Me: “The car wash only cleans the outside of your car, ma’am. The inside is up to you. We don’t do car detailing here.”

Customer: “That’s false advertising! You advertised a car wash, and I didn’t get a car wash!”

Me: “Ma’am, the general understanding is that a car wash is just for the exterior. Drivers are usually responsible for keeping the interior of their cars clean.”

Customer: “Well, what about those who aren’t responsible?! What about them?”

Me: “I can’t really answer that honestly to your satisfaction, ma’am.” 

She ended up complaining to my manager and was given directions to a car detailing service. From what I saw, the inside of her car was filthy and full of trash.

I work at a car wash at a gas station. We have some of those vacuums that you put quarters in. A customer comes up to me and complains.

Customer: “The vacuum isn’t working! I put a dollar in, and it won’t start.”

I go to check out the problem.

Me: “Oh, it looks like someone has blocked the coin slot with something.”

Customer: “You mean the money slot? That was me! It won’t take my money!”

She had tried putting a dollar bill in the coin slot; she had folded it up a bunch of times to try and get it in.

We’re washing this lady’s car, and it’s just gotten out of the tunnel, so we still have to hand dry it, shine the tires, clean the rims and jambs of the doors and tires, wash the windows and wipe down the dashboard.

We drive the car into the bay to do that stuff, and the lady comes in with her daughter and gets into the car.

Lady: “I’m in a hurry; you don’t need to do all that stuff.”

She then notices the hard water on her hood – we don’t have hard water, and hard water treatment is kind of risky in terms of peeling paint, so we don’t offer it.

Lady: “You didn’t dry my car fast enough! Now you’ve stained the paint with water spots!”

We tried to continue drying (we always hand-dry the car after it goes through the blowers, just to make it super dry) but she swats at us.

Lady: “That won’t fix it! You need to do something better!”

Me: “We can take the car through the tunnel again.”

Lady: “No! I’m in too much of a hurry!”

She then chewed out my manager and drove off. Very strange.

Several years ago, I worked at a gas station with a car wash. This car wash used a chain that pulled every vehicle through at the same speed, about twenty-five feet apart. The car wash was the cause of about 80% of all customer grievances. This one was a bit different.

One weekday afternoon, I am stocking shelves when a young woman and an old man come in together. They spot me and say we need to have a conversation, so I move back behind the counter.

Me: *Smiling* “Okay, so what can I do for you?”

The woman is about to speak when the old man cuts her off.

Man: “Your car wash damaged my car! Both of ours.”

That’s not the first time I’ve heard this.

Me: “Huh. How so?”

Woman: “We were both in the car wash. I was ahead of him, and the car wash pulled his car into the back of mine, hard.”

Immediate red flag: that’s impossible. The chain can’t pull one vehicle faster or slower than another. I tell them exactly that.

Woman: “Is it po—”

Man: *Interrupting* “Are you calling me a liar?!“

The woman is visibly annoyed.

Me: “What I’m saying is that the car wash couldn’t have done this. Either you—” *makes eye contact with the woman* “—hit the brakes—” *looks at the man* “—or you hit the gas.”

Woman: “I didn’t touch the brakes.”

She sounds as though she’s started second-guessing herself.

Man: “I’m not stupid! I never touched the gas pedal!”

Now, not to be ageist, but old people are usually the ones who have issues with using the car wash, so he is my prime suspect.

Me: *Matter-of-factly* “Well, thankfully, the car wash is lined with cameras, so I’ll just go rewind the footage and see what happened.”

Man: “Oh, uh, that’s not necessary. We’ll just have [Company] pay for the damages.”

Me: “Well, [Company] is gonna wanna review the footage anyway, so I might as well do that now.”

Man: *Nervously* “No, no, let’s not waste any more of our time.”

I exaggeratedly raise an eyebrow at him and then glance over at the woman. She clues in that I’m laying the pressure on him and also looks at him suspiciously. Now it’s time to twist the knife.

Me: “Oh, but surely the camera footage will prove your Innocence, sir?”

Silence. Yep, it’s him.

I review the footage and, sure enough, while the man was being pulled by the chain at first, he hit the gas and rear-ended the woman.

I come back behind the counter and look at the woman.

Me: “Well, turns out he hit the gas and rear-ended you. Now, even though it happened in the car wash, it wasn’t caused by the car wash, so this matter will have to be solved between the two of you. If you would like the camera footage to provide to insurance, I’d be happy to give it to you.”

I looked over at the old man with a smirk. He clearly died a little on the inside, knowing he was screwed.

The woman thanked me and looked over at the man as if to say, “Pay up, sucker.”

I am an assistant manager at a drive-thru car wash. A lady comes up to me.

Customer: “Can I speak to the manager?”

Me: “I’m the assistant manager today, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting for ten minutes, and no one has come to help me!”

Apparently, she has been sitting at one of our pay stations.

Me: “Ma’am, it’s self-service, and you need to back out from there.”

She backs out, and in doing so, she backs into a curb and scuffs up her rim.

Customer: “You told me to back out! This is your fault! You have to pay for this!”

Me: “No, ma’am, we will not be paying for damages you made to your car for your poor driving.”

Customer: “This was your fault!”

Me: “If you were to come into our parking lot and kill someone with your car due to your poor driving, it wouldn’t be us charged with vehicular manslaughter. It would be you. You hit the curb, so you will need to pay to fix the damages yourself. You can now leave.”

Customer: *Angry* “I will be back!”

I immediately called my manager and told him what happened and what I said word for word. He laughed.

The customer came back the next day and the owner was actually there. He got a kick out of my analogy, as well, and told the lady off. I loved that job.