Washing Yourself Free From Physical Assault

, , , | Legal | July 29, 2018

(I’m working at an all-new car wash in my hometown, which becomes rather popular very quickly. At the very end of the car wash are some really loud blow dryers, a little traffic light which indicates that the customer can start the engine again and drive off, and a safety light barrier, which shuts down the conveyor belt, if the car is not moving. This should prevent the next car to be pushed into the one standing in the exit. It is a really busy Saturday. My coworkers and I have already washed about 300 cars, when suddenly the conveyor belt stops moving. I am standing at the control desk, which gets the cars moving, so I immediately turn around, and rush down the whole aisle along the conveyor belt. The rest of the car wash is still doing its business, e.g. high-pressure washers and such. Upon reaching the car, which interrupts the safety light barrier, a tall, middle-aged men gets out of his white SUV to inspect why he isn’t moving anymore. I raise my voice to drown out the blow dryers right next to us.)

Me: “PLEASE, GET BACK IN YOUR CAR AND START MOVING!”

(I have to be loud; otherwise, you cannot understand anyone in there.)

Customer: “STOP THE F*** SHOUTING AT ME, YOU F****** A**HOLE!”

Me: “SIR, PLEASE LISTEN UP! YOU HAVE TO GET BACK IN YOUR CAR. YOU’RE HOLDING UP EVERYONE RIGHT NOW!”

Customer: “F*** YOU, YOU LITTLE S***! I’LL COME BACK TO YOU!”

(The customer gets back in his car and drives off onto our vacuum yard right next to the car wash. I get back to the control desk and proceed with my business. The conveyor belt is running again. Suddenly, the customer makes his way into the pre-wash section, locks his eyes with mine, starts to swing his fists around and glares at me with pure hatred. He’s coming to get me. But one of my coworkers and my boss block his way.)

Boss: “Sorry, sir, what’s the problem? I’m the manager, right here.”

Customer: “F*** you! You should f****** know who you hire!”

(The customer grabs my boss by his arms and wants to move him out of the way by pure force. My coworker, a big but strong man, tackles the angry customer to the ground, gets him back up, and literally throws him out of the pre-wash section.)

Coworker: *to me* “None of your business anymore.”

Me: “I owe you lunch.”

(Afterwards the customer called the police, stated that he was assaulted, and threatened us with legal trouble. We showed the officers the incident on tape, and they left with a laugh.)

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That Remark Is Going To Go Down A Storm

, , , | Right | March 28, 2018

(I am a greeter at a very large car wash, and we are about to close early because it’s been pouring down rain all day. A customer approaches.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. How are you today?”

Customer: “Are you guys still open?”

Me: “Yes, but we will likely be closing soon because of the storm.”

Customer: “I don’t even know why you guys opened up today! Who in their right mind would get their car washed on a day like this?”

(The customer then proceeded to purchase an exterior car wash.)

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In His Eyes It’s Not So Cut And Dry

, , , , , , | Right | November 9, 2017

(As my three other coworkers are drying cars off outside, an older man and a boy around five years old walk up to our blow dryers inside and look in. After finishing up the car we are drying, I approach them to see if they need anything.)

Older Man: “See? That’s what the dryers look like.”

Young Boy: “Th-that… is so… coo-cool!”

(They both see me coming over.)

Older Man: “Hello there, young lady! My grandson would like to know what the dryers feel like. Can he go in there for a moment?”

(I glance at the child, who is bouncing up and down at the moment, and it is obvious to me now that he has some sort of disorder.)

Me: “I wouldn’t recommend it; those dryers are extremely powerful and loud. Especially with cars coming through, it’s very dangerous to be in there right now. You can stand out here and observe, but don’t go in, please.”

(At this point, another car has arrived at the outside drying station, so I run back to help. As the car pulls away, the blow dryers turn on for the next car. All of a sudden, a loud scream is heard. We all glance over to see the boy standing in the middle of the dryers, clutching his hands to his ears and screaming. He isn’t moving out of the way of an approaching truck. I sprint over, pick him up, and get him outside. The grandpa appears from around the corner.)

Older Man: “DON’T TOUCH MY GRANDCHILD! What do you think you’re doing?!”

(I immediately put the boy out of harm’s way and back off, just as the giant truck comes out.)

Me: “He was standing in the middle of the dryers! Why didn’t you stop him?”

Older Man: “I let him go in there while I grabbed my phone out of my car!”

Me: “You let him? Even though I just got done telling you how dangerous that is?!”

Older Man: “It’s not dangerous; it’s just a large hair dryer, duh. I should be asking you what gave you the right to pick him up!”

Me: “Sir, those dryers are meant for cars, not people. It’s more similar to an airplane engine than a hair dryer. Besides, your grandson was about to be run over and sucked into the conveyor belt below. And he was screaming and crying from the noise, as well.”

Older Man: “No, you were assaulting him! I will sue you for this!”

Me: “…”

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Providing Clean Instructions

| Friendly | June 25, 2016

(My mom and I go to a car wash and upon entering, this is what we hear.)

Female Worker: *to a car that started backing up* “NO, THIS WAY!”

(Car starts moving forward.)

Female Worker: “NO, NO, TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF THE STEERING WHEEL!”

(Car continues moving forward.)

Female Worker: “STAY ON THE TRACK… NOOOO, DON’T TURN YOUR WHEELS TO THE LEFT!

(Car stops and they proceed to clean it.)

Female Worker: “GOOOOOO!”

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The Air Is Fresh With Dishonor

| Related | August 13, 2015

(I’m with two of my sisters helping to vacuum out the elder’s car. While she’s doing this I see a machine that sells air fresheners cheaply and try to buy one.)

Older Sister: “[My Name], what are you doing?”

Me: “Trying to buy an air freshener… Darn it!”

Younger Sister: “What?”

Me: “Stupid machine stole my quarter!”

(My younger sister looks dead at the machine.)

Younger Sister: “Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your creator! Dishonor on your cow!

(Never did get back my quarter, but it was worth the laugh when the guy spraying down his truck nearby gave my sister a clear ‘WTF’ look.)

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