Me: “Service Center, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to make an appointment to get my oil changed.”

Me: “All right. Well, just so you know, you can come in whenever you are available during the week.”

Customer: “So, Monday through Friday?”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “So, wait… we don’t need an appointment?”

Me: “Nope, just come right in!”

Customer: “So, what you’re saying is we don’t need an appointment?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “I dunno about that.”

Me: “About what?”

Customer: “Not having an appointment.”

Me: “Well, do you want me to put you down for an appointment?”

Customer: “You just said I didn’t need one!”

Me: “Well, so you’re not so confused, I can put you in whatever slot you want.”

Customer: “No, I’ll just go somewhere else!”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Car Dealership]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I have an issue with my car not starting.”

Me: “Do you need a tow truck?”

Customer: “No, I got it started but I still want it looked at.”

Me: “All right, you can bring it right in.”

Customer: “Will you turn the car off when I get it there?”

Me: “Yes, we will need to turn it off to work on it.”

Customer: “But what if it doesn’t start again?”

Me: “Well, we will fix it.”

Customer: “Just to be safe I want you to fix it without turning the car off.”

Me: “We can’t do that. That would be unsafe for our technicians.”

Customer: “I don’t give a d*** about your technicians. If you can’t work on the car the way I want, I will call someone else!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.”

Customer: “Fine!” (Hangs up.)

Coworker: “So how long do you think she is going to leave her car running?”

This story is part of our customers-treating-staff-like-they’re-sub-human roundup!

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(This was before hybrid cars or electric cars were mainstream. A man called about his Lexus that just stopped working after a few days, so we had it towed back to the dealership.)

Customer: “I don’t know what happened; the car just stopped while I was driving, and almost caused an accident because of you people!”

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look.”

(I couldn’t find any obvious issue, and all the free mechanics were giving the car a full once-over, trying to figure out the problem.)

Customer: “I spent tens of thousands on this car! How the h*** can you sell anything that would crap out in two days?!”

(Just then I noticed the gas gauge was on ‘Empty’. I put a little gas in the engine and started it up.)

Customer: “What?! For that amount of money, with the technologies these days, you still need to use gas?!”

(Customer walks onto the lot looking for a car.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yeah, I am looking for a cheap car that will go forever on a tank of gas and will last forever, so I don’t have to take it for any tune-ups.”

Me: “Me too. In fact, let me know when you find it, and I’ll make a better offer on it!”

This story is part of the “Customers Who Don’t Know How The World Works” roundup!

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