(I’m a receptionist in the service area of a car dealership. I am calling a customer to let him know his vehicle is ready for pickup.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Just calling to let you know that your vehicle is all set.”

Customer: “And do you come with the car? You sound like a pretty little thing.”

Me: “Um, well, we’re open until six tonight, so if you want to come in and get your truck before then, that would be great.”

Customer: “I’m a dirty old man.”

Me: “Okay, then. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

(I am a customer in a used car dealership looking to trade in my car. Another customer has been looking at my car for a few minutes.)

Customer: *to Salesman* “Can I test drive that green Saturn at the end of the lot?”

Salesman: “That’s a customer’s car. We don’t own it.”

Customer: “Okay. Can I test drive it?”

Salesman: “No.”

(I’m standing close by, laughing at the whole conversation, when my dad comes to tell me he found a nice car in my price range, so we go to look at it. Five minutes later, I go back to my car to see the same woman trying to pry the window down.)

Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Customer: “I want to test drive this car, but the salesman refuses to give me the keys!”

Me: “That’s my car. I own it.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought he was just saying that to spite me.”

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(An elderly woman walks onto the lot and begins asking me about a car.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “What can you tell me about this red car?”

Me: “This is a 1999 Volvo V70.”

Customer: “A Vulva! My granddaughter has a vulva! Her boyfriend said he absolutely loves it!”

(I unsuccessfully try to keep a straight face.)

Me: “I’m sure he does, ma’am.”

(A customer drives into our car dealership.)

Customer: “I am an important lawyer, and I have a big case this morning! When I arrived at court, I couldn’t get my very important paperwork out of the trunk! My remote isn’t working! I demand that you fix it!”

Me: “That is very strange. So the key isn’t working either?”

(The customer turns three different shades of red, gets back into her car, and drives away.)

This story is part of the Auto-Shop roundup!

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Me: “Thank you for calling [Name of Dealership].”

Caller: “Can I speak to the body parts department?”

Me: “Do you mean the body shop?”

This story is part of the Auto-Shop roundup!

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