(My wife and I saw ‘Frozen,’ but got one of the songs so stuck in our heads that we’re not allowed to even allude to it now. We’ve just bought a car.)

Wife: “Look at all the storage space in here! You can open this and this and this… What do you think?”

Me: “That’s a lot of space!”

Wife: “Definitely!”

Me: *singing softly* “Will you help me hide a body?”

(She was angrier about being reminded of that song again than by my idea for the car’s use!)

(I work in a car dealership on the service drive. A customer pulls her car onto the drive, gets out, and walks up to my desk. I can see from the scowl on her face she is clearly angry.)

Customer: “I JUST bought this new car last week and it is already rusting! I demand you give me a new car!”

Me: “Okay, can you show me where the rust is?”

(We walk to her car.)

Customer: “See, right there on the door! THAT IS RUST!”

Me: “Ma’am, that is just a little mud. Let me get a clean towel and I’ll get that right off for you.”

Customer: “No, you are lying! You’re just going to paint it over! I know rust when I see it! I’m not stupid!”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you it is not rust, and I will not put paint on it.”

Customer: “Don’t you touch it! I demand to see the manager!”

Me: “Sure. I’ll be right back.”

(I come back with my manager after I explained the situation to him.)

Customer: “See that… THAT RIGHT THERE! THAT’S RUST! I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME A NEW CAR! IT’S ONLY A WEEK OLD!”

(My manager grabs a rag and puts it in his back pocket before walking out to speak to the customer. Without saying a word, he takes the rag out, leans down and wipes the mud off before the customer can say anything. The customer immediately gets down on her hands and knees to examine where the mud had been.)

Manager: “There you go, ma’am. It was just a little spot of mud.”

(The customer snatches the rag out of my manager’s hand.)

Customer: “Let me see that! You just put paint over it!”

(The customer examines the obviously clean and paint-free rag, then tosses it on the floor.)

Customer: “You people need to make sure a car is clean before you deliver it to a customer! I am letting you people know you won’t get away with anything!”

(The customer comes in regularly, and has complained similarly about MANY things on her car since, demanding a new car every time.)   

(I’m in the process of buying a car. I’ve brought my dad with me to help. The sales manager has spent 30 minutes attempting to tack on paint and interior warranty, which I don’t want. I’m a girl in my early 20s.)

Sales Manager: “Okay, so let’s try it this way. Instead of 72 months, how about 63 months? Your payment will only be $10 more than the 60 months with no warranty.”

Me: “Okay, let me run a couple calculations to see how much more this will cost me over the life of the loan.”

Sales Manager: *patronizingly* “If you’re going to multiply $10 by 63, that’s incorrect—”

Me: “Actually, that’s not what I was going to do. And I don’t want the paint and seat warranty. Do you think I’m stupid? I have a cum laude business degree. It’s going to cost me a heck of a lot more over the life of the loan for this warranty, which I don’t even need!”

Sales Manager: *pulls out a binder and plops it in front of me* “Here are all the people who said they didn’t need the warranty but then reconsidered. Take a look at this and how much they saved in repair costs!”

(I glance at the binder long enough to see that the savings were minimal; in fact, one person spent more on warranty than they did on car repairs. I push the binder back to him.)

Sales Manager: “You still don’t want it?”

Me: “Look, I understand that you get commission when you sell this stuff, but I don’t want it. It’s going to cost me more in interest. I want to go with the original 60-month payment. No extended warranty.”

Sales Manager: “I don’t get commission.”

Me: “Really? Because you’re pretty insistent in pushing this on me.”

Sales Manager: *testily* “I believe in the product.”

Me: “I see. I’m still not interested, thanks.”

Sales Manager: *glances at my file* “I see you work for [local bank]. What, exactly, do you do there?”

Me: “I’m a personal banker.”

Sales Manager: *defeated* “Oh… well, that’s interesting.”

(I glance over at my dad, who is trying not to laugh. The sales manager quickly finished up my paperwork. Later, my dad posted a picture with me and my new car on his Facebook account, bragging about how I’d ‘smacked down the sales manager.’)

(I’m a receptionist for a car dealership with repair departments as well as sales. Only sales are open on a Saturday, with all repairs locked up over the weekend.)

Me: “Good morning! This is [Business Name]. How can I help you?

Caller: *sounding flustered and upset* “Thank God. Put me onto service.”

Me: “The service department is actually closed on the weekend. Can I take a message for Monday?”

Caller: “No, you don’t understand. My car got brought in yesterday and I need to get my things out.”

Me: “Did you arrange anything with the staff during the week? Maybe they left it at reception for you.”

Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Oh. Well. It will have to wait until Monday. Everything is locked up to keep the cars and contents safe.”

Caller: “Don’t you understand? This is urgent! Can’t you unlock it for me?”

Me: “I don’t have the keys. Only the managers of that department do.”

Caller: “Well, why the h*** are they closed? Make them come to work to open everything up!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. This is their time off.”

Caller: “But this is an EMERGENCY!”

(This goes on for sometime, and the caller is getting more and more upset. I figure it must be really important to cause such a fuss – something like medicine, or formula for a small child.)

Me: “Tell you what. Give me your number and I’ll try and sort something out.”

Caller: “Thank you! This is so important. This is an emergency. You need to get someone in.”

(I try to sort it out, but I can’t. He’s going to have to wait until Monday. I call him back.)

Me: “Hello. Is this [Name]? I’m so sorry, but it’s completely impossible.”

Caller: “But it’s an emergency!”

Me: “I know. I’m sorry, but no one here has the keys and none of the managers can come in.”

Caller: “Do you realise how urgent this is? I am going to have to use the RENTAL CLUBS.”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Caller: “I am going golfing with friends today at [ludicrously expensive golf course]! Do you know how embarrassing it will be for me to use rental clubs?”

Me: “You mean to tell me you wanted me to get managers, who work thirteen-hour days all week, to come in because you don’t want to use RENTED GOLF CLUBS?”

Caller: “You see!? It’s an emergency!”

(I am in the market for a used car. I find a listing online for a two-year-old RX-8 I like that’s at a nearby dealer. My friend offers to help me negotiate. She used to work in the auto finance industry in another state as a funder, the person that the dealers call when someone is looking for a car loan. We do our homework on the car the night before. After test driving the car, we sit down at the salesman’s desk.)

Friend: “We’re not going to sit here for hours while you try to beat us down. If we don’t have a deal in 15 minutes then we’re leaving. I’m starting the timer on my phone.”

(My friend makes a show of starting the timer and setting the phone on his desk.)

Salesman: *feigning enthusiasm* “That’s great! No problem at all! Let me go get the paperwork.”

(He leaves for a few minutes. While he’s gone, one of his fellow salespeople the next desk over chats us up.)

Other Salesperson: “That’s a really cool car. I have someone coming to look at it tomorrow.”

(We know from our research that the car has been on the lot for over six weeks already. So that story is probably just a line they use to help each other out. The salesman returns.)

Salesman: “I have good news and I have great news. The good news is that the car is still available. The great news is that I can let you have it for [asking price]!”

Friend: “Are you kidding me?!”

(I’m bright enough to keep quiet and let her have at him.)

Friend: “There’s no way he’s paying that price. We looked it up last night and we know that that car should be going for [about 15 percent less].”

Salesman: “Well, here’s our paperwork that shows how much we gave her for the car when it was traded in. It belonged to a former employee, and it was her baby. She took such great care of the car. As you can see, we’re already losing money on it.”

Friend: “I don’t care what you’ve put into the car. That was your fault for paying that much. I’m looking at what the car is worth today.”

(My friend pulls out some printouts from web pages we had researched it on.)

Friend: “Here’s Kelly Blue Book, and they say it’s worth [price].”

Salesman: “Well, none of the dealerships really go by Blue Book.”

Friend: “Fine. Here’s Black Book. And here’s Edmund’s. Which would you like to use? They’re all saying about the same thing.”

(One of the nearby salespeople has bolted to get the sales manager while this is going on. Less than three minutes into the conversation, the sales manager swoops in and kicks the salesman out of his chair.)

Manager: “Hi, I’m the manager. What will it take to make this deal?”

Friend: “My friend has already got his financing set up with his bank. He’s willing to give you a fair price on the car. But he’s not going to get reamed on that price just because you gave a good deal to a former employee.”

Manager: “What rate did he get? What if I can beat it?”

Friend: “We’re not going to sit here while you blast the deal out to 30 lenders.”

Manager: “I’m not going to do that. I have one place in mind. What payment are you looking for?”

(My friend nods to me, indicating that I’m allowed to speak.)

Me: “My bank gave me [rate]. I’d like to keep the payment at [payment].”

Manager: “I can work with that.”

(The manager and the salesman leave. The salesperson at the next desk isn’t feeling so chatty anymore. A few minutes later the salesman comes back.)

Salesman: *trying look upbeat* “The manager okayed the deal at 0.2 per cent lower, and that makes the payment what you are looking for.”

(My friend picks up her phone and stops the timer. It shows 14:53.)