Arrived At The Answer Speedily

| San Jose, CA, USA | Working | March 1, 2017

(I work in the service department of a car dealership. Very few places rebuild or repair gauge clusters any more – they’re mostly replaced as a unit or mailed out if they need to be fixed. However, there is a shop in a city about a half an hour away that still does this sort of specialty work. Basically, everyone in the industry in our area uses them as they’re one of the few left.)

Coworker: “What’s the name of the shop in [City] again? The one that does speedometer work?”

Me: “Crap, I know exactly who you mean but I can’t remember their name. It’ll come to me, but it’s not there yet. I’ll think on it. They do speedometer work, they’re in [City]…”

(About five minutes later, I burst out laughing.)

Me: “[Coworker], we’re idiots.”

Coworker: “Why?”

Me: “The place in [City] that does speedometers?”

Coworker: “You remembered the name?”

Me: “Yeah. [City] Speedometer.”

Coworker: “WOW.”

Stressful Exercise

| San Jose, CA, USA | Working | February 28, 2017

(Our service department is fairly relaxed, though the manager has a few ‘quirks’. He’s especially neurotic about some specific processes, and today he thinks he has found someone going off-book on one of them. Unbeknownst to him it was a quirky one-time situation that everyone else on the staff already knows about – no one thought to tell him because it was only aberrant for literally about ten minutes and has already been straightened out. He comes charging out of his office yelling about it, but everyone jumps up to explain what ACTUALLY happened and how everything is fine. He immediately calms down again, so of course we all have to give him a hard time for his overreaction.)

Coworker: “Wow, [Manager], I’m surprised you’re not a lot thinner.”

Manager: “What?”

Coworker: “You know, all the exercise you get JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS!”

(Fortunately, he does know how to laugh at himself.)

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Stop

| New Haven, CT, USA | Working | February 9, 2017

(I’m going through a very rough patch in life at the moment. My long-term boyfriend has kicked me out; I have the option of being homeless or sleeping on the cement floor of my parent’s basement; despite my great job, my student loans are over half my income. Basically, nothing is going right. I’m at the car dealership getting an oil change.)

Technician: “So, you’re in for services today?”

(He proceeds to list off services I most definitely did not schedule for, many of which are not necessary.)

Me: “No. Just the oil change.”

Technician: “Really? You should take better care of your vehicle!”

(I’ve owned the car for 150,000 miles and have been told by the service station at my former residence that the car engine is in near perfect condition.)

Me: “Sorry, I can only afford to get the oil change right now.”

Technician: “It’s free, though.”

Me: “Really? Why would it be free?”

(At this point, I’m starting to feel hopeful — something good finally happening.)

Technician: “Yeah, we offer lifetime service on all our vehicles.”

Me: “Oh… but I didn’t buy the vehicle from you.”

Technician: “Well, you should have thought of that before.”

Me: “Anyway. Just the oil change for today; it’s all I can afford.”

Technician: “Yeah, well, taking care of this stuff will save you money down the road.”

Me: “Once again, I can literally only afford the oil change right now.”

(In truth, I can’t really afford that much. I’m adding it to a credit card that’s getting dangerously close to maxed out.)

Technician: “You should really spend money on the important things first, like car maintenance.”

Me: “My money goes towards food, then bills, then car maintenance. I’ve already cancelled all my doctor’s appointments for the next few months. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get my car serviced.”

Technician: “I’m only trying to help you out here! Giving you some advice!”

Me: “I get that. But I have explained to you that I cannot afford your advice and would like to get out of here, sooner, rather than later.”

Technician: “If you just service—”

Me: “If you try to push services I cannot afford one more time, I am going to scream.”

Technician: *rolls his eyes at another nearby technician* “Wow… try to help a lady and look at what you get!”

Doesn’t Give A Truck About You

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Working | February 6, 2017

(My son has a good job and has good credit and is ready to buy a new pickup truck. I drive him over in my old car so he can possibly drive home a new truck if he finds what he wants. My car is old and nothing to write home about but I take a bus to work every day so I don’t need anything fancy. The employees at the car lot take one took at my car when we pull in and just ignore us. We look around the showroom and NO ONE approaches us. Finally, he goes and talks to one of the salesmen.)

Son: “I wondered if you could tell me about these trucks.”

Salesman: “Oh, I don’t think you want those. Tell you what you should do. Do you get the paper every day? Okay, just get the classifieds and see what’s for sale used. Have a good day.”

(We went to another lot. He bought a truck with no problem. I still chuckle when I drive past the first lot and think about that idiot who misjudged and lost a good commission.)

Making A Bigger And Bigger Impact On Your Coworkers

| San Jose, CA, USA | Working | February 1, 2017

(I work in the service department of a car dealership. There is an employee who works in Sales/Finance who is universally despised: he’s entitled, tries to get special treatment all the time, and often misleads customers in ways that end up throwing our department under the bus by making promises he and we cannot keep. He also has a habit of leaving cars, including his own personal car, in random places in the way of our operations – which he has just done again.)

Coworker #1: “So does he just think the whole dealership is his personal parking space?”

Me: “Apparently! He’s… kind of a douchebag.”

Coworker #1: “That’s a h*** of an understatement.”

Me: “Fine. He’s an ENORMOUS douchebag.”

Coworker #1: “Much better.”

Me: “He’s such a gigantic douchebag that every time he’s around, I feel lemony fresh.”

Coworker #1: “Lemony fresh! I love it!”

Me: “If an actual human-sized walking talking LITERAL douchebag walked in the door RIGHT NOW, we would have trouble telling the difference between him and [Salesman].”

Coworker #2: “No, we could EASILY tell the difference! If the two of them stood next to each other, [Salesman] would be the obviously BIGGER douchebag.”

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