(I work for a group coupon website. As an April Fool’s joke, we post an online advert for an obviously fake perfume, with ingredients like “anger” and “crushed hopes and dreams.” On top of that, it costs R10,420, or about $861. Obviously, when they click the BUY button, it shows the price as R0. More than 2,000 people “purchase” it, but we have more than a couple of calls that go like this:)

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Company]. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d just like to find out how you’re going to ship my [Fake Perfume]? It didn’t ask me for an address.”

Me: “Oh. Ma’am, that perfume isn’t real… It’s an April Fool’s joke.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. There’s a photo of the bottle on the website.”

Me: “Yes, one of our graphic designers made that.”

Customer: “Really? I thought it was a real perfume. Please cancel my order.”

Me: “But, ma’am, you didn’t actually pay for anything.”

Customer: “It’s fine. Just cancel my order, please. I thought it was real.”

Me: “…”

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Customer: “Hi, I am looking for a fashion book.”

Me: “Sure, sir. Do you know the title or any specifics?”

Customer: “No, I do not.”

Me: “I will show you the fashion section then, sir.”

(As we walk to the fashion section…)

Customer: “I don’t know why people read; it’s like a disease! I find Facebook and other things on the internet are more fun.”

Me: “I enjoy reading, sir. It’s quite stimulating and exciting.”

Customer: “So, if you read, that means you don’t have a girlfriend?”

Me: “I do have a girlfriend. We have been together a long time.”

Customer: “How does she put up with you reading?”

Me: “She enjoys reading too, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, so you two must have a very boring life together and do nothing fun!”

Customer: “Hey there, can you help me find a book?”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. Do you know the author or title?”

Customer: “Well, you see, I was at the beach and I saw this girl reading a purple book. She looked like she was really enjoying it! I want that book.”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to be more specific. There are a lot of books with purple covers.”

Customer: “Can’t you search on your computer for purple books?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no.”

Customer: “I’ll go to a bookstore that has better computers.”

(I am a customer standing behind a couple, obviously from overseas. The ticket lady had just told them that the cable car is out of order because it’s being serviced.)

Customer: “That’s unacceptable! We’ve come all the way to see the top of Table Mountain!”

(I see that the ticket lady is tired of explaining the same thing over and over, so I chip in.)

Me: “They have to service the cable car because it’s off-season. They don’t want people to get hurt if the cable car breaks.”

Customer: “Well, it’s summer where we come from!”

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