Being Thrifty With The Obvious

, , , | Right | February 9, 2019

(I work full-time at a thrift store. These conversations happen far too often:)

Customer: “Excuse me, what color tag is on sale?”

(This is most often asked while the customer is standing between two eye-level signs advertising the special of the week.)

Customer: “Hey, which way to the donation center?

(Asked while standing next to a sign pointing to the donation center.)

Customer: “Any new racks coming out?”

(Said while standing next to a rack of clothes that was brought out in the last ten seconds.)

Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2019

(I work in a popular chain restaurant known for its 100% clean food policy; basically, we don’t use artificial ingredients in our products. We even have a list of ingredients that aren’t allowed to be offered hanging up by our cash registers so customers can see. It’s that slow period just after the lunch rush, and a middle-aged woman walks up to my register.)

Customer: “Do you have gluten-free bread?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am, but we do have a few other gluten-free options. Do you have an allergy to gluten, or do you avoid it by personal preference?”

Customer: *turning red and puffing her chest* “I wouldn’t call it a personal preference to avoid putting toxic chemicals into my body! I shouldn’t’ve expected you to have gluten-free bread; all you people put poison in your food to make money!”

Me: “We actually don’t use any artificial ingredients; we even have a list of banned ingredients right here.”

Customer: “Then your bread is gluten-free?”

Me: “Gluten is a naturally occurring substance that exists in wheat. Our breads do not contain artificial ingredients, but they do contain gluten, because gluten is a natural part of certain types of grain.”

Customer: “No! You have to add the gluten; it’s a poisonous toxin and you people are killing everyone to make a buck! And don’t you tell me you ‘don’t use artificial ingredients’! You have to or else you’d be losing money!”

Me: “I’m sorry if you don’t believe me, but our restaurant took a pledge to never use artificial ingredients in its food. The only thing we serve with artificial ingredients is our fountain soda, which is not made by us. Gluten is not an artificial ingredient. Would you like me to tell you which menu items are gluten-free?”

Customer: *still in a huff* “Fine.”

Me: *listing off the menu items, as well as modifications that can be made* “I even have a book here with a list of ingredients if you would like to double-check for yourself, and I will alert my manager that you are ordering so our team will prepare your meal with extra care.”

Customer: “So… none of your sandwiches are gluten-free?”

Me: “Well, we can put the meat and cheese and everything in a dish or on a bed of lettuce. [Meats we serve] are gluten-free.”

Customer: “But I want bread. And it has to be gluten-free. Gluten will kill you, you know!”

Me: “We don’t serve gluten-free bread.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? Can’t you just make the dough but not add the gluten?! I can’t believe you people add toxic chemicals to your food and lie about it!”

Me: *exasperated* “Pardon me. I’m going to get my manager.”

(She didn’t order anything, and when she left, she was screaming at all our customers that we put poison in our bread. My manager got her picture off the security cameras and forwarded it to the security office of the mall we are located in. I hope she never comes back!)

Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance, Part 4
Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance, Part 3
Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance, Part 2

That Is “Pretty” Awesome, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(While working a temporary job at a thrift store, I am usually working in the back room, sorting donations. Every so often, I’ll be called out to clean up the floor, as I am one of the few full-time workers. I am sorting the women’s plus-size section.)

Customer: “Oh, hey, could you hand me that black skirt there, right next to the jeans?”

(I oblige and hand her the hanger.)

Customer: *looks at the size tag* “Oh, no, this is too big for me. But it looks like it would fit you.”

(I am a large guy, who sometimes indulges in cross-dressing.)

Me: “Well, thank you, ma’am. Are you sure it’s my color, though?”

(I keep sorting the rack as we talk.)

Customer: *sensing that I’m not joking* “Well, of course. I bet it’d look good with that black and white top in the next row.”

Me: “That sounds like a good mix. There’s just one problem: employees aren’t allowed to purchase items. I’m not sure why.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you can find something similar at another store.”

(The conversation goes on for a little while and when I finish, I see an eight-year-old girl by the books, trying to reach up for a toy on the shelf. As I hand it to her, she asks me this:)

Little Girl: “Mister, do you dress up like a girl?”

Me: “Yes, I do, but not when I’m at work.”

Little Girl: “I bet you’re really pretty.”

(This immediately brightens my mood until her mother steps in.)

Mother: “No, he isn’t. Boys aren’t meant to be pretty. Only girls are.”

(The little girl looks at her mother, back to me, and to the customer I was helping.)

Little Girl: “Mommy’s lying. You would be very pretty! Like a… giant princess!”

Customer & Me: *laughing*

Me: “Thanks, little girl! I’m going to put that on my business card!”

Little Girl: “Okay! Bye-bye, Princess!”

That Is ‘Pretty’ Awesome

1 Thumbs

Couldn’t Catch The Price Match

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2018

(While cleaning up the front of the store, I come across a customer who asks me questions about a dollhouse on the floor. This particular dollhouse is one of the old-style, handmade ones and, as such, carries a pretty hefty price, even for a thrift store.)

Customer: “It’s a very nice dollhouse, and I really want to buy it. But I just don’t know. Maybe I can try [Other Thrift Store] to see if they have one cheaper.”

Me: “Well, that’s certainly an option. Though, I should warn you, [Other Thrift Store] is much smaller than ours, and there’s very little chance that it carries any of the same stock we do. Different people make different donations.”

Customer: “Well, if they have a dollhouse like it, do you have a price-match guarantee?”

Me: *raises eyebrow*

Customer: “Oh… Oh, my. I just realized how stupid that sounds. I’m used to shopping at [Big Electronic Chain Store].”

Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure that store doesn’t carry this dollhouse, either.”

Customer: “I must have sounded like one of those extreme coupon people.”

Me: “It was an honest mistake, ma’am. Would you like me to get a box for the dollhouse?”

Customer: “Oh, no, thank you. I don’t think I’ll buy it. I’m just really embarrassed about that price-match thing.”

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Counting In Massachusetts

, , , , , , , , , | Related | December 30, 2017

(My sister and I — both adults, more or less — are at our parents’ for Christmas. We’re all playing dominoes, at which my dad is truly terrible.)

Dad: “I just never have the right number! Look at this: four, four, I just need four! *he holds up his fingers as he counts* “One, two, three, four!”

Me: “Un, deux, trois, quatre!” *also holding up fingers*

Dad: “Ichi, ni, san, chi!”

Me: “Ein, zwei, drei, vier!”

Sister: *holds up fingers* “Shut. The. F***. Up.”

(Ah, family!)

Page 1/212