The English Isn’t Very Clear

, , , , , , | | Right | July 5, 2019

(I work in a tourist shop right by Canterbury Cathedral. One day, a couple comes in moaning about the price for entry at the cathedral while buying some Canterbury magnets.)

Customer: “Why do they have to charge so much? It’s a place of worship; it should be free!”

Me: “Well, it’s a very old building and in constant need of repairs, so all the money goes towards renovations so people can keep coming.”

Customer: “Well, I guess charging tourists is okay, but locals should get to go in for free.”

Me: “There is actually a resident card you can apply for if you live within four miles of the cathedral.”

Customer: “Oh, we’re not from around here; we came down from London for the weekend.”

Me: “So… you’re tourists, then.”

Customer: “No! We’re English!”

Me: “But you’re here sightseeing and you’re not local, so you’re tourists. You’re in a tourist shop, buying commemorative magnets.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Drunk Discussions Should Be Tabled

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | March 27, 2019

(Some friends of mine have gotten together. One of the group is American and is visiting the UK for a few days. As the evening goes on, and drink has been drunk, one of the friends drunkenly starts telling the American friend all sorts of “facts” about his own country, resulting in this gem.)

Drunk Friend: *to American Friend* “…and America is big, you know? It’s bigger than this table!”

Acting Like A Spoiled Princess

, , , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

(My friend is on the tills, on a break between customers. A little girl comes up with a few items, including a fairy princess wand and another toy. She loads them onto the belt and starts to walk over. A woman rushes in, barges past, and loads her stuff on the belt.)

Friend: “Excuse me, madam. That young girl was here first.”

Woman: “Oh, she’s just a child! She can wait! I’m in a hurry!”

(The girl is looking slightly confused by the whole thing.)

Friend: “No, sorry, she was here first and I’m serving her first.”

(He grabs the girl’s items and starts scanning them through. Deciding to keep the rude woman waiting, he starts talking to the young girl.)

Friend: “So, you’re a fairy princess?”

Girl: *smiling* “Yes!”

(The conversation goes on for a minute or two. The rude woman is getting crosser and crosser. My friend gives the girl her change, after slowly counting it out, and she happily goes on her way.)

Friend: *sweetly, to the rude woman* “Next, please.”

(She glared at him throughout the transaction, and didn’t say a word, grabbing her shopping and flouncing away. That will teach her for being rude!)

Unfiltered Story #104362

, , | Unfiltered | January 25, 2018

Me: Good afternoon would you like any help packing
Customer: Oh I don’t believe this
Me: Is there a problem, can I help?
Customer: I had a coupon for £2.45 just here a moment ago and now I cannot find it

(I proceed to check on the floor around my checkout – I am unable to find the coupon)

Me: I’m sorry I can’t see it anywhere
Customer: Well this is just ridiculous!

(the customer proceeds to look under things she had placed down and rummage through her purse – I noticed she has a piece of paper screwed up in her hand)

Me: You have some paper in your hand, could that be it?
Customer: No I put it down here

(She then unscrews the paper and bingo it’s the coupon!)

Customer: Oh, well don’t forget to scan the coupon

(After I scan her shopping, I scan her small mountain of other coupons, making sure her £2.45 is the 1st coupon I scan)

Me: That will be £11.24 all together please
Customer: You scanned my coupon?
Me: I sure did

(I complete the transaction)

Customer: Where does it say you scanned my coupon?
Me: Just under the total, it is the first coupon I scanned.

(Customer appears happy and walks off, only to stomp back a couple of minutes later)

Customer: WHERE does it say you scanned my coupon?!
Me: Just under the total, Would you like me to circle it for you?

(She thrusts the receipt at me, I circle the coupon and hand it back)

Me: Here we are, Hope you enjoy the rest of your day.

(I start serving the next customer)

Me: I didn’t sound rude to that customer then did I?
Customer 2: Not at all, I would have been though, silly woman!

Dying To Be Taken Off Your List

, , , , | Working | December 1, 2017

(My friend answers the phone to an unknown number.)

Friend: “Hullo.”

Caller: “Hello, I can see from our records that you were recently involved in a car accident that wasn’t your fault.”

(My friend doesn’t even own a car.)

Friend: “Yes, I was, but I died in it. I’m dead now.”

Caller: “Oh! Um, er… sorry to hear that. I guess we’ll take your number off our database.”

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