They’re Nutso Different

, | Charlevoix, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a fudge shop during tourist season. All the types of fudge are in a large display that takes up the entire length of the room, separating the workers from the customers.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *stares blankly at the display* “…What are those two there?” *points vaguely at two types of fudge*

Me: “This one on the left is walnut fudge, and the other on the right is cashew.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, what’s the difference between walnut and cashew fudge?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Um… one has walnuts… and the other has cashews?”

Customer: “Oh. Well I don’t like nuts. Can I get this one instead?” *points to a display peanut butter fudge*

No ID, No Idea, Part 15

| Salem, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

(The store I work at sells chocolate liqueurs. Because they are alcoholic, I cannot sell them to anyone who doesn’t have an ID on them. A couple of young women come up, and seeing the liqueurs by the register, put a couple in with their purchase.)

Me: “I’ll need to see some ID for those.”

Customer: “Oh, I left my ID in the car.”

Me: “I can hold onto your stuff while you go get it.”

Customer: “I don’t want to go all the way to my car and back!”

Me: *moving the liqueurs aside* “All right. I’ll just put those back, then.”

Customer: “But, I want them.”

Me: “I’ll need to see your ID.”

Customer: “It’s in the car!”

Me: “I can hold your stuff for you while you go get it.”

Customer: “Look, I LOOK old enough to drink, don’t I?”

Me: “Yes…”

(Smiling, the woman nudges the liqueurs back into her pile of stuff. I promptly nudge them back out.)

Me: “My underage sister LOOKS old enough, as well.”

Customer: “But I want those!”

Me: “I’ll need to see your ID.”

Customer: “It’s in the CAR!”

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 14
No ID, No Idea, Part 13
No ID, No Idea, Part 12

Stupid Out Of The Starting Gate

, | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a kiosk candy shop located in a popular shopping mall. Because of the location in the middle of the floor, some people don’t realise that we’re closed. I am cashing up after a long day. The gates that close off the kiosk have been closed and padlocked. The entire shopping centre has been closed for a good 15 minutes.)

Customer: “Are you still open? I know exactly what I want so I’ll be quick.”

Me: *thinking this guy is messing with me, I play along* “Yeah, sure, but only if you can manage to get over the gate.”

Customer: *to his friend* “Yo, they’re still open! Give me a hand getting over this gate!”

Me: “Ah, sorry, I was just kidding around with you. We actually closed over 20 minutes ago. I’m just running late.”

Customer: “But… I can still get lollies, right?”

(Whenever we have customers that don’t see past their own nose, I always have a bit of a joke with them and they laugh along. This was the first customer that actually thought I was serious.)

Putting Your Son Into A Sweet Disposition

| USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a little sweet shop. We have a promotion going on where you can get two free sweets if you can spin a wheel and get it to land on the prize. The front door opens and a young boy and his mother walk in.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [store name].”

Mother: “Hi, I was told I could get some free candy here.”

Me: “That’s right; you can get two free sweets of your choice if you can get a win on the prize wheel!”

Boy: “I wanna try!”

(The mother grumbles angrily. The boy walks over to the counter and takes hold of the wheel.)

Me: “Okay, good luck, you have one chance, okay?”

Boy: “Got it!”

(The boy spins, but the spinner doesn’t land on ‘Winner’. The boy shrugs and walks back to his mother.)

Mother: “Where’s his candy?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Mother: “You said, he’d get free candy.”

Me: “Yes, if he was able to spin to win. Maybe next time, okay little guy?”

Boy: “Always next time, Mom.”

Mother: “Look at him! He’s distraught! You made my son unhappy! Get your manager.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(The boy is dragged by his ear to the corner of the shop and is whispered to.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

Mother: “She made my son cry! He won the free candy, fair and square!”

Boy: “No I—”

(The mother gives him a glare.)

Manager: “I’m sorry for your troubles; I’ll give you the candy you won.”

(He gives the boy two pieces of our signature candy, and they leave the store.)

Manager: “Sorry about that; it’s not worth a fight. Not much lost really.”

Me: “But I—”

(I am cut off by the door slowly creaking open. The boy is back, now alone.)

Boy: “Here’s your candy back; sorry about my Mom. I know I didn’t win.”

Me: “Thank you so much, but you can—”

(He leaves before I can finish. I will always remember the little boy’s honesty, even though none of us ever saw him in the shop again.)

Like Selling Candy To A Banshee

| Nevada, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(This is a call from me to a customer who owns a candy store, regarding an order they placed for a candy-making mix. We had the wrong expiration date for their credit card. Please note that this order is marked as being needed in a rush.)

Woman: “Hello, [candy store].”

Me: “Hello, this is [name] from [candy supply company].”

Woman: “We’re not interested!” *hangs up*

(I call back.)

Woman: “Hello, [candy store].”

Me: “Hi, this is [name] again. I think there was a misunderstanding. We’re calling about an order you already placed.”

Woman: *scoffs* “Really…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. [Candy store owner] called and put in an order this morning for candy mix, but we must not have heard the expiration date correctly.”

Woman: “So, you call saying we ordered something, and you want me to just give you a credit card number?”

Me: “No, we have the number. We just need to check the expiration date. Is [candy store owner] there?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Okay, could I leave a message for him that we won’t be able to send out your candy mix without getting the correct expiration date?”

Woman: “We’re a homemade candy company. What makes you assume we use a mix for our candy?”

Me: “Because we sell it to you.”

Woman: “We make our candy homemade. We’re not interested in buying yours. How dare you suggest we make it from a mix?!”

Me: “Ma’am, a lot of places label their candy homemade, even when they make it from a mix. I can cancel the order if you’d like, but I’d prefer to speak to [candy store owner] before I do.”

Woman: “He’s not here, and I’m sure as h*** not giving you any credit card information. It’s a f***ing scam!”

(The woman hangs up again. About a week later, I get a call from the man who owns the store.)

Owner: “Hi, this is [owner] from [candy store]. I was calling to see where my order was.”

Me: “We tried to get in touch with you about having the wrong expiration date on the credit card the same day you placed the order. The woman I spoke to told me you would me making the candy from scratch and were no longer interested in the order, so I canceled it.”

Owner: “****! I’m gonna kill her!”

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