(My shopping centre is in an area where many customers feel very entitled, and we have just changed the pricing structure for all-day parking. It should also be noted that for all-day workers, we have cheaper deals in other car parks around the center that work out to be less than half than what the all-day payment is. I get this call over the intercom from one of the payment machines. )

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to know when you changed your price for all-day parking?”

Me: “The signs went up last night, so you would have read them on your way into the car park today.”

Caller: “I saw no such thing. Why did you not inform me of the change?”

Me: “Sir, we had signs up at all entry points and pay machines this morning as well as the new price structure at the entries to the car parks. If you had read any of those very visible signs you would have seen that the price had gone up.”

Caller: “But why didn’t you tell me? I demand that I pay the original price.”

Me: “Sir, we can’t inform every patron of the car park that this has happened, which is why we put signs up in visible locations around the parking area, including entries and pay machines.”

Caller: “Well, you should have told me! I refuse to pay the new price.”

Me: “Sir, if that is what you want to do, then go ahead, but I must warn you that if you don’t pay for your parking then you can’t get your car out of the parking lot.”

Caller: “I will pay [original amount], but I will not pay [new amount]. You can’t keep my car in here; it is against the law!”

Me: “Actually, sir, part of the terms and conditions that you agree to upon entering our parking structure is that you will pay for however long you have stayed in our car park. If you don’t want to pay that much for all-day parking, there are cheaper options in other car parks.”

Caller: “But those car parks are further away from my office. Wait… You expect me to read those signs at the entry?”

Me: “Yes, sir, as they are the legal agreement that you are entering into upon entering our car park. I understand that those car parks may be further away from your office, but this car park is for those who are doing their groceries and is mostly a short stay car park.”

Caller: “That is ridiculous; you still should have told me about the change.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir; I will make a note of it for next time we change anything in our car parks. Please pay for your ticket and have a great day.”

(One of our teachers is leaving to have a baby. The other teachers arrange a surprise going-away video. All of the students from across the classes get together in groups of three to four in front of the camera to say goodbye. It’s my turn, along with two classmates.)

Me: “Bye!”

Classmate #1: “Have fun with the baby!”

Classmate #2: “…”

(I realize [Classmate #2] is distracted, watching a nearby dog, so I prod her in the ribs to get her to say something.)

Classmate #2: *still distracted* “Right, yeah… toodles.”

Me: *after recording is finished* “…Toodles?!”

(Since we were primary students, there was a rule against re-recordings. Most of the comments made our teacher smile. Some of them made her tear up. Ours were the only ones that made her snort with laughter.)

(I teach third grade, and we are talking about diversity. I ask the following question:)

Me: “Which would you hate more: being stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, or having a birthday on the 29th of February?”

(We’d talked about leap years already, and it hadn’t occurred to them that some people might, perhaps, be born then, meaning a birthday celebration only once every four years! Their consensus? The misery of a birthday only every four years was FAR worse than being confined to a wheelchair; after all, wheelchairs were “COOL!”)

(A young woman in her late teens approaches the counter — her face is beet red. I’m a new hire and don’t want to deal with her, as she’s clearly angry, but she catches my eye before I can hide in the back.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! What can I get for you today?”

(The woman glares at me, but takes a deep breath and rubs at her eyes– then holds up her hand as though she is physically restraining herself from doing anything stupid.)

Customer: “Look. My boyfriend just broke up with me and I’m really not in a good mood but I’m not angry with you and I’m really sorry you have to deal with me because I’m going to be rude and mean and you don’t deserve that. Okay? Sorry in advance.”

Me: *taken aback* “Er… all right?”

Customer: “Could I f****** get the unhealthiest f****** thing on your f****** menu, please? F***.”

(Here’s the kicker: she was much more polite than most people I dealt with that day!)

(I am working the day shift at our grocery store. I’m almost always working with the same two coworkers: Coworker #2 is a great, if manically excitable actor, while Coworker #1 is a very flamboyant gay who usually styles up his uniform. The customers love them, since they’re best friends and spend most of their time bantering back and forth like an odd couple. On this day, a man and a woman, both clearly tourists, walk over to the counter.)

Man: *to Coworker #1* “Hey there! We were just wondering if you keep any good brandy in stock?”

Coworker #1: “You are in luck, sir! What takes your fancy?”

(From the moment he speaks, the man’s face goes from a friendly smile, to a grimace, to a particularly vicious glare.)

Man: “OH. MY. GOD!”

Coworker #1: *concerned* “What’s the matter, sir?”

Man: “Are you a f**?! Oh my God, they’ve got a f** working the counter!”

Woman: “You should be ashamed of yourself! There are children here!”

(I won’t write out in full what they said, but the man and woman start screaming expletives at him, and accuse him of everything from raising the prices to poisoning the cigars. It’s all very bigoted and disgusting, and the other customers present are horrified while Coworker #1 is almost in tears. Suddenly, Coworker #2, who has just come out of the back, hears this and pushes through the crowd.)

Coworker #2: “Excuse me, folks?”

Woman: “Oh finally, a God-fearing man! Can you please get that f** out of our sight?!”

(Coworker #2 is straight, but he pushes the man aside and grabs Coworker #1 in a tender embrace.)

Coworker #2: “Actually, I was going to ask you to get out. But when in Canberra…”

(In front of the whole store, Coworker #2 sweeps Coworker #1 into an overly dramatic, passionate kiss right on the lips. In abject terror, the couple flees the store. The other customers in the store break out in applause.)

Man: “This is DISGUSTING!” *flees out of the store with his wife*

Coworker #1: *breaks out into a huge grin* “Speak for yourself!”