(I have just finished my holiday in Tenerife and am eating at an airport restaurant, sitting at a bar. An Australian man sits next to me.)
Aussie: *looks straight at me* “You all right, mate?”
Me: “Yeah, I’m good, thanks, just waiting for my plane.”
(We talk for a bit, and then he asks…)
Aussie: “So, where you from? USA?”
Me: *laugh* “No, I’m from England. I’m guessing your Australian, though?”
Aussie: “Yeah, I am. Nice, so, you’re from the Up-Top-Australia, eh?”
(I just stare at him for a few seconds and burst out laughing.)
Aussie: *confused chuckle* “What’s so funny?”
Me: “Never in my life have I ever heard England described as the ‘Up-Top-Australia.'”
Aussie: “So, what do you call Australia?”
Me: “Either ‘Australia,’ or we refer to it as ‘down under.'”
Aussie: “Really?”
Me: “Does everyone in the down-low-England call England that?”
Aussie: “No.”
Me: “So, you never thought in that time that England wasn’t known as that?”
Aussie: *laughing* “Never noticed, I guess. So Australia is the only country you call by a nickname? Nothing for say, Nigeria?”
(As I am about to say no, another dude from an unknown region, who has been listening a lot more than we realised, interjects and says:)
Random Guy: “Well, I call it ‘N*****-Country.’”
(We both stare at this guy.)
Random Guy: “I think I misread the conversation.” *pays and leaves*
(With a hour until my flight, the gates open I start to leave.)
Me: “Well, that was a funny conversation; thanks for the entertainment.”
Aussie: “It was an absolute pleasure, mate. Until next we meet, my up-most compadre.”
Me: *furiously trying to think of a witty thing to say* “See you, my downy friend.”
(Mentally bashing my head against the wall, I left, chuckling to myself.)