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Lonely Island

, , , , | Right | August 20, 2020

I overhear this when I work above a bar on the seafront. On a clear day, you can see the island of Fuerteventura from Lanzarote.

A customer is sitting on a barstool having a midday drink.

Customer: “What’s that island I can see out there?”

Barman: “That’s Fuerteventura.”

Customer: *Sips his beer* “It wasn’t there last year, was it?”

An Up-Top Down-Under Conversation

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 14, 2018

(I have just finished my holiday in Tenerife and am eating at an airport restaurant, sitting at a bar. An Australian man sits next to me.)

Aussie: *looks straight at me* “You all right, mate?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m good, thanks, just waiting for my plane.”

(We talk for a bit, and then he asks…)

Aussie: “So, where you from? USA?”

Me: *laugh* “No, I’m from England. I’m guessing your Australian, though?”

Aussie: “Yeah, I am. Nice, so, you’re from the Up-Top-Australia, eh?”

(I just stare at him for a few seconds and burst out laughing.)

Aussie: *confused chuckle* “What’s so funny?”

Me: “Never in my life have I ever heard England described as the ‘Up-Top-Australia.'”

Aussie: “So, what do you call Australia?”

Me: “Either ‘Australia,’ or we refer to it as ‘down under.'”

Aussie: “Really?”

Me: “Does everyone in the down-low-England call England that?”

Aussie: “No.”

Me: “So, you never thought in that time that England wasn’t known as that?”

Aussie: *laughing* “Never noticed, I guess. So Australia is the only country you call by a nickname? Nothing for say, Nigeria?”

(As I am about to say no, another dude from an unknown region, who has been listening a lot more than we realised, interjects and says:)

Random Guy: “Well, I call it ‘N*****-Country.’”

(We both stare at this guy.)

Random Guy: “I think I misread the conversation.” *pays and leaves*

(With a hour until my flight, the gates open I start to leave.)

Me: “Well, that was a funny conversation; thanks for the entertainment.”

Aussie: “It was an absolute pleasure, mate. Until next we meet, my up-most compadre.”

Me: *furiously trying to think of a witty thing to say* “See you, my downy friend.”

(Mentally bashing my head against the wall, I left, chuckling to myself.)