(At our store, we have this point card where if you get 10 points, you get a free drink. Unfortunately, if a customer has more than one card, we aren’t allowed to combine the points together.)

Customer: *throws four cards in front of me* “Check these.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Customer: “Check them! I want you to combine the points together. I should have a free drink now.”

Me: “Sorry, but we aren’t allowed to combine the poi—”

Customer’s Friend: “What’re you waiting for? She’s a customer! You have to do as we say. Hurry up and give us our free drink.”

Me: “I’m sorry. As I was trying to say before, we can’t combine card points.”

Customer: “Oh, well, just use the one that has the most points on it.”

Me: *proceeds to check each card*

Customer’s Friend: “Hurry up! You’re Chinese! You have to work faster!”

(Once we’ve finished dealing with the customers, my coworker comes up to me.)

Coworker: “Man those two were just… really annoying. I’m surprised you didn’t tell that guy off.”

Me: “Ah, it’s okay. I just used the card with the fewest points.”

(Our company has free membership cards, where people can collect points on their purchases that build towards discounts. Cashiers are required to ask all of our customers if they have a card.)

Me: “Do you have one of our membership cards?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “All right, would you like to sign up for one today? They’re free, and they’ll eventually save you some money.”

Customer: “No, no! I’m in a rush, so, never mind.”

Me: “All right, your total is [total].”

(The customer pays but is no longer paying attention to me. Instead, she’s talking to her boyfriend, looking annoyed, and is visibly waving around one of our membership cards.)

Customer’s Boyfriend: “You know that’s one of their cards, right?”

Customer: “Is it? Oh, well is it too late to get my points?”

Me: “Unfortunately, the transaction has already gone through, so yes it is. You can come in when you have some more time and I can do a point adjustment. I just have to refund and resell you your purchase.”

Customer: “Well, can you do it now? We’re not in a rush…”

(I’m working at a dry cleaners. It’s nearly closing time, so my 6’5″, 250 lb. fiancé is waiting out of sight in the back for me to finish up. A last-minute customer arrives.)

Customer: *angrily* “Are my shirts done yet?!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Let me get those for you.”

(I get the shirts, which the customer has waited a long time to pick up—several weeks. They are therefore not perfectly pressed anymore. The customer inspects them and is clearly not happy.)

Customer: “This is terrible work! Look at this wrinkle!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but they were—”

(The customer shoves himself aggressively over the counter and starts yelling abusively in my face.)

Customer: “WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY DRY CLEANER ARE YOU ANYWAY!?”

(Suddenly, my fiancé, who has heard all this, whips out from the back of the store and jumps in front of the counter, between me and the abusive customer. He moves to within three inches of the customer’s face, and looks down at him menacingly.)

Fiancé: *softly, but in deep bass register* “DO. YOU. HAVE. A. PROBLEM?”

Customer: *cowers back* “No, no… everything’s fine…”

(The customer grabs his shirts and literally flees out the store.  I never saw him again.)

Me: *to fiance* “I love you.”

(I work in a call center for a phone company. We often get customers who will say anything to get a credit. This customer is saying that her phone drops calls.)

Me: “According to my troubleshooting flow, your phone appears to be defective. I can offer to replace your phone for free.”

Customer: “No, I’ll take a credit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot offer you a credit. I can only offer to replace your phone.”

Customer: “Just give me a credit.”

Me: “I cannot give you a credit.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that’s the resolution to your issue. Applying a monetary credit to your account will not cause your phone to stop dropping calls.”

Customer: “Yes, it will!”

(An older customer brings up washer fluid.)

Me: “Hi, sir, will this be all?”

Customer: “Yes.” *whispers* “It’s good for keeping the elephants away.”

Me: “Oh… well, have a nice day!”

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