(I work as the technical specialist for a shoe store my family owns. I’m currently in a storage room off the front entrance on the computer.)

Customer: “Hi, excuse me? What’s your return policy?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not entirely sure. Someone at the front desk could help you better.” *points to front desk*

Customer: “Oh, I thought this was the front desk.” *looks around* “You don’t really have much in here.”

Me: “Not really. Sorry, I’m just the IT person.”

Customer: *angry* “You just said that so you don’t have to help me!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You just made that up so you didn’t have to get up and help me! Yeah, right…’I-T’. Like that’s a real job!” *leaves*

(I’m the only employee working in the store in the middle of winter. I’m supposed to be counting the cash, but a long line of customers means it’s an hour late and I haven’t even started. There’s also slush tracked in from customers all over the floor but I can’t even get out from behind the counter long enough to mop it up, the cigarettes and lottery tickets are running low, and the beer cooler is practically empty. Two of my bosses drop by to see how things are doing.)

Boss #1: “Why is the floor such a mess?! You’re such a slacker! If you keep slacking off like this, we’re going to have to let you go!”

Me: “It’s been super busy and I haven’t had time to leave the cash.”

Boss #2: “Why isn’t the cash counted yet?”

Me: “I’ve had non-stop customers for the last two hours.”

Boss #1: *mopping the floor* “I can’t believe you let it get this bad!”

Boss #2: “Why didn’t you call us and tell us there were no scratch tickets or cigarettes?”

Me: “I did, three hours ago. You said you’d be by in a few minutes.”

Boss #1: “You’re such a slacker!”

(At this point, a customer who has been in line throughout this whole exchange speaks up.)

Customer: “What do you expect her to do? Leave the customers here and go clean and stock stuff?”

Boss #1: “She should be doing both!”

Customer: “And how exactly can she do both?”

(Boss #1 ignores him while Boss #2 comes out from the beer cooler.)

Boss #2: “Beer coolers are almost empty. You have to stock that right away. I also took some cigarettes and scratch tickets out of the safe for you to put out. Oh, and count the cash right now!”

Me: “Is there any way you can stock the beer for me? I don’t think I’m going to be leaving the cash for a while.”

Boss #2: “Nope! See ya!” *leaves*

(Thankfully, another customer went and stocked the beer cooler for me—but not before rolling her eyes at my boss.)

(A customer calls in to find out why his loan has been returned “NSF”, which is short for “Non-Sufficient Funds.”)

Me: “I see that the loan was returned on Monday as there was not enough money in the account.

Customer: “Yeah, but it was supposed to be taken out of my account the previous Friday.”

(I check, and he indeed did not have enough money to cover the loan on Friday.)

Me: “That is the correct date, but it looks like the computer gave you a grace period. It gave you a few days to put the funds in the account before it tried to take it.”

Customer: “That’s crazy! I agreed to have my payments taken every Friday. I want the loan to bounce on the Friday, not on the Monday, okay? Make my loan payment bounce on Fridays!”

(I am delivering pizzas to a hotel room in the early evening. I am a guy in my mid-20s with exceptionally long hair. The customer’s name on the bill is “Katie”. After knocking on the door, I hear someone approach it, but they don’t open the door. Instead, I sense them looking through the peephole, which is followed by some loud whispering.)

Voice #1: “Guys, it’s a chick!”

Voice #2: “Are you sure?”

Voice #1: “Yes!”

Voice #3: “Dude! Is she hot?”

Voice #1: “I can’t tell. What do I do?”

Voice #3: “Dude, take off your shirt!”

(For the next few moments I hear a lot of shuffling noises. Finally, the door opens, and what do I see? Three scrawny, dorky-looking, and shirtless teenage boys, completely bewildered to see that I am not, in fact, a girl.)

Me: “Sorry to disappoint you. Now, which one of you is Katie?”

(I am working the cash one busy day. A customer is disputing the price of some items.)

Customer: “Well, the sign said these were 3 for $1. That’s why I was buying them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but these are $1.25 a piece… they always have been. Would you still like to purchase them?”

Customer: “Well, the sign on the display has them at 3 for $1. I want them, but at that price.”

Me: “Madam, I can see the display from here and I don’t see the sign you are referring to. In fact, I set up that display myself last night. I can assure you there are no such signs on the display. Would you still like to purchase the items?”

Customer: “Look, it’s right there! Can you not see? It says everything on that shelf is 3 for $1!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I still don’t see the sign to which you are referring madam.”

Customer: “IT’S RIGHT THERE ON THE TOP! The green and yellow sign with number 3 on it!”

Me: “You mean the sign that says aisle 3?”

Customer: “Exactly! Now…oh…”

(The customer turns beet red and remains silent for the rest of the transaction. When the next customer in line comes up, she speaks.)

Next Customer: *joking* “If that’s what the signs on each aisle mean, I think I’ll do all my shopping in aisle 7!”