(This is a story my dad has told often. It happened back in the 70s.)

Telemarketer: “Congratulations, sir. You have been selected for our contest. If you can answer one skill-testing question, you’ll win a prize. Are you in?”

My Dad: “Sure.”

Telemarketer: “Okay. I’ll give you four letters. Unscramble them to reveal the name of a well-known American comedian. First name is Bob. Okay? E, O, H, P.”

My Dad: “Bob Hope?”

Telemarketer: “Congratulations! You’ve won a month’s worth of free lessons at [local dance studio]!”

My Dad: “No, thank you.”

(A few days later, he gets a call again. Clearly, they’ve forgotten to cross him off their list because they give the same contest and question. Dad, however, decides to have a little fun.)

My Dad: “Is it Bob Pohe?”

Telemarketer: “No, sir. Would you like to try again?”

My Dad: “Oh, sure. Is it Bob Hepo?”

(Dad goes through every combination he can think of except the correct answer. Eventually, the telemarketer gives up.)

Telemarketer: “Sorry, sir. We do, however, have a consolation prize. You get a month of free dance lessons at [local dance studio]!”

Me: “Would you like to make a donation to help support children who are sent back to school without supplies?”

Customer: “Oh, fine.”

Me: “Okay, you can make a donation in any amount that you like, or you can donate a back to school kit, which has nine essential school supplies in it. The kits are five bucks.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll donate a kit.”

Me: “Great, thanks for your contribution!”

Customer: “How long is this going to be going on for? Because this is my third time coming into the store, and I get asked every time to donate! I’m going to run out of money!”

Me: “It’s going on ’til September, but you know, you’re allowed to say ‘No’ when we ask you.”

Customer: “No, I’m not!”

This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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(I’m watching ‘The Avengers’. Suddenly I see a mother, with a little boy who is dressed in an Iron Man costume and bouncing up the steps and scuttling into his booster seat. I am worried at first that he will be very noisy, but he is probably the most well-behaved little boy I have ever seen at the movies. The movie comes to the part where Loki is being taken to the gigantic holding cell. Suddenly, this little boy has a very important question to ask his mother, one he just couldn’t really keep to himself.)

Boy: “Mommy, is he going into time out?”

(Little fantastic boy in the Iron Man costume, you just made that scene forever funny in my mind.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Tech Support. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The technician needs to come.”

Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”

Caller: “It’s too bright!”

Me: “What seems to be too bright?”

Caller: “The light!”

Me: “What light are you talking about?”

Caller: “The light on the box!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”

Caller: “Internet light!”

Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”

Caller: “The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”

Caller: “No, do you think that would work?”

Me: “Possibly.”

Caller: “Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”

Me: “…”

(I am the manager. One afternoon, my assistant manager and one of my employees comes up to me.)

Assistant Manager: *completely straight-faced* “Is it, or is it not okay for me to take a plastic bag and place it over an employee’s head while he is serving a customer?”

Me: “Um… no, it’s not.”

Employee: “Well, that’s what he just did.”

Assistant Manager: “But the customer laughed!”