Unlisted But Booked

, , , | Right | August 20, 2010

Me: “Thanks for calling. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Could you make my phone number unlisted?”

Me: “Well, sir, I’ve got good news. Cellphone numbers aren’t listed in the phone book.”

Caller: “No, I mean make it so that if someone calls you guys and gives you my number, you won’t give them any information.”

Me: “Oh, well, in that case, you should know that we value our customers’ privacy. We would never give out any of your personal information to anyone who calls us.”

Caller: “Even if it’s the cops?”

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Cinnamon Puns

, , , , | Right | August 20, 2010

Customer: “Our daughter is looking for a book called Antonyms and Cinnamons.”

(I type it into our search system, but no dice.)

Me: “Would you know the author’s name?”

Customer: “No, I forget. It was something weird though. She wrote it down, but I forget.”

Me: “Might you mean Antonyms and Synonyms?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s it!”

(I search again.)

Me: “Nothing with that exact title is coming up. Was there more to it?”

Customer: “The author’s name. It was something funny. Sounded like a dinosaur. Wait, I think I might have it here.”

(She searches through her pockets and fishes out a little folded piece of paper.)

Customer: “Here it is. Antonyms and Cinnamons by Theo Saurus!'”


This story is part of our Book Lovers roundup!

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Yukon Freeze It

, , , , , | Right | August 19, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Company] customer service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “You sound different. Where are you from?”

Me: “Canada. Is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “Canada? How big is the igloo you work in?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t live in igloos. In fact, it’s about 40˚ here at the moment.”

Caller: “40˚ is freezing!”

Me: “40˚ Celsius. That’s 104˚ Fahrenheit.”

Caller: “Oh, my god, how do you keep your igloos from melting?!”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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Napoleon Dynamite Goes To The Zoo

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2010

(I am in front of the tigers’ exhibit.)

Visitor: “Excuse me, where is the lion?”

Me: “They are on the other side of the park. Just follow the path to your right.”

Visitor: “What? You don’t keep the lions and tigers together?”

Me: “No. In the wild, they don’t live together.”

Visitor: “But how do they reproduce? The male lion needs to be with the female tiger!”


This story is part of our Clueless Zoo Customers roundup!

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Managers Are Used To Spot Checks

, , , , | Right | August 17, 2010

(Our tea shop closes at 9:00 pm. The time is currently 9:10. There is one couple and their child still in the store. I am cleaning the bathroom. The customer opens the bathroom door.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m cleaning this bathroom.”

Customer: “But my son has to go.”

Me: “I’m using bleach; it’s very dangerous here. I can’t let you use the bathroom.”

Customer: “But my son has to go!”

Me: “I can’t let you use it. We’re already closed and I have to finish cleaning.”

Customer: *to another employee* “Your crazy cleaning lady won’t let my son use the bathroom. Can I speak to your manager?”

Coworker: “That is the manager.”

(The customer silently grabbed his wife and son and walked out without another word.)

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