(It is nine am. I am serving a mother and her young son.)

Me: “Can I get you anything to drink while you’re looking at the menus?”

Mom: “What’s in a Roy Rogers?”

Me: “Grenadine and Coke.”

Son: “I want that!”

Mom: “No, you can’t have Coke for breakfast!” *to me* “Can you make it with Sprite instead?”

This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

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(We just received well over fifteen inches of snow during the course of the night. Obviously, our buses are late and our subway system is crowded.)

Customer: “My bus was twenty-five minutes late and I arrived to work late. My boss just gave me my final warning. One more lateness and I’ll be fired!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that but, as you can see, we currently have snow on the ground and there isn’t much we can do but to wait for the plow crews to finish their job.”

Customer: “Excuses! I got a final warning from my boss and I’m about to get fired!”

Me: “Okay. If it is of any help to you, I can mail an official letter to your boss certifying that your lateness was our fault and not yours.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want no letter from you guys. I’m about to get fired!”

Me: “Okay, I apologize for the inconvenience, but–”

Customer: “You know what would have been helpful? You guys should have performed a ‘preventative’ plowing before the snow fell!”

This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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Customer: “I have a complaint about this ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ toy.”

Me: “Go ahead.”

Customer: “I saw a few videos online that it’s really a “Tickle Me Emo”! How dare you try to teach kids to be emo!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those videos are fake and were created just for a laugh. That is a Tickle Me Elmo and it’s completely appropriate for kids.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *a few seconds later* “So, where can I find a ‘Tickle Me Emo’?”

This story is part of the Hypocritical Customers roundup!

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(A mother and daughter approach the till. The mother neatly places the items they want to take on the counter. The daughter throws an unwanted dress in a heap.)

Mother: *to daughter* “No, no, no! You pick that up! You hang that on the hanger! YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND! Hang it up and put it away!”

(The daughter starts to hang it up.)

Mother: “You need to understand what it’s like working here! You need to get a job in retail so that you will understand! Everyone should work in retail! When we get home, you’re getting a job in retail!”

(The mother turns to me.)

Mother: “Don’t you think everyone should work here? Isn’t this a terrible job?”

Me: “How about food service?”

Mother: *gasps* “Yes! Yes!” *turns to daughter* “When we get home, you’re getting a job at a restaurant, so you will understand!”

(I am drawing blood from donors at a blood drive.)

Donor: “I’ve never seen you here before.”

Me: “Well, yes, I am relatively new, but I’ve been involved with [Blood Bank] for a long time.”

Donor: “So, are you like a volunteer or something?”

Me: “No, I am an employee. I had to undergo several weeks of training for this.”

Donor: “But you look too young to be an employee!”

Me: “I assure you, I am a full employee.”

Donor: “But you’re only like fourteen!”

Me: “Actually, sir, I’m twenty, almost twenty-one.”

Donor: “No way!”

Me: “Let me put it this way. Would you really want a fourteen-year-old volunteer removing a fourteen-gauge needle from your arm and handling your blood?”

Donor: “Good point. Carry on.”

This story is part of our Blood Donation roundup!

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