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Go MacGuyver Go

, , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

Customer: “No, they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

(Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not; it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

Me: “You do that…”


This story is part of our Metric System roundup!

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Ironically, She’s Applying For A Customer Service Position

, , | Right | October 3, 2008

(I work in an employment office where we help people with their resumes. We often send and receive resumes as needed.)

Caller: “Hi, my name is [Caller]. Can you get my resume faxed for me?”

Me: “Where would you like it faxed?”

Caller: “It’s in Drayton Valley, Alberta.”

Me: “Okay, so where in Drayton Valley would you like it sent?”

Caller: “No, no, I need it sent to me HERE. It’s IN Drayton Valley. Someone there has it.”

Me: “Who has it there?”

Caller: “I dunno! Pam… something! She wrote it for me, and I need it! Phone Drayton Valley and get it for me!”

Me: “Miss, Drayton Valley is a TOWN in Alberta. I need the name and number of whatever business or person in that town that has your resume before I can have it sent here for you.”

Caller: “I know that! Just phone around there! It’s a small town; someone will have it!”

Me: “I can’t exactly go phoning random companies in a town asking if they have your resume.”

Caller: “Well, it’s a small town like here! Someone will have it! Call someone named Pam… something.”

Me: “Okay, look. I either need a company or person’s name and their phone number to contact them to ask for it, or I can’t get your resume.”

Caller: “Ugh! But I left my papers at home! Can’t you just phone around?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Caller: “FINE. I’ll have to FIND my papers MYSELF with the number. You’re supposed to be able to get my resume FOR me.”

Me: “Only if I know who to talk to…”

Caller: “Whatever!” *click*


This story is part of the Old-Technology roundup!

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Personally, I Prefer Stars And Polkadots

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2008

American Customer: “Your flag is just so pretty. I love maple leaves. Does it come in blue?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry. Only red.”

American Customer: “That’s a shame. My kitchen is blue, and it would look so pretty on the wall. You should make them in other colours.”

Me: “…”

Canadian Customer Behind Her: “That’s a good point. I’ve always thought the Stars-and-Stripes would look great in earth tones.”

American customer: “Our flag is ALWAYS red, white, and blue! Honestly, Canadians are so stupid sometimes.”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones

, , , , , | Right | August 4, 2008

(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt, and some rubber-hand work gloves on.)

Me: *walks out of the cooler*

Customer: “Are you f****** insane? It’s freezing in there.

Me: “I don’t mind it.”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.”

Customer:Warm!? In a cooler?! You’re a god-d*** liar! How can you be warm in there?!”

Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Canada, America’s Baseball Cap

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2008

(A young couple with an almost stereotypical ‘southern accent’ enters the shop, browses around, and pick up some things, then go to the cash desk.)

Me: “Is that everything for you today?”

Woman: “We’re on our honeymoon…”

Me: “Okay… will you be paying with cash, debit, or credit?”

(The man throws some money on the counter, saying nothing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t take American money.”

Man: “WHY THE F*** NOT? AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!”

Me: “Well, that might be the case, but this isn’t America.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “This isn’t America. It’s Canada.”

Woman: “But that’s part of America, right?”

Me: “No.”

Man: “Oh, I get it. It must be Canada Day. That’s when they pretend to be independent.”

Me: “Sir, we ARE independent. It’s a separate country. Different money, different government, different accents.”

Man: *winks to his wife* “Right…”


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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