Loony Over A Loonie

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2010

(I am ringing out an American. Keep in mind that Canada uses coins for $1 and $2.)

Me: “…and your change is $3.64. You have a wonderful day.”

Customer: “Excuse me, you didn’t give me the right change.”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t. You only gave me coins, no paper.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re in Canada, and here we use coins.” *I hold up a $1 coin* “This is a loonie, and is worth $1.”

Customer: “What’s a Canada?”

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, , , , | Right | October 23, 2010

(A customer brings her dog to the front desk in a panic.)

Customer: “My dog has fleas, so I need you to help me. I have been using the flea medication you gave me, but I can still see flea eggs.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can see flea eggs?”

Customer: “I have been trying to pick them off, but they seem to be stuck.”

Me: “Okay, can you show me the eggs you have been trying to pick off?”

(Customer lifts up the dog to show me the belly.)

Customer: “See! These!”

Me: “Ma’am, those are not flea eggs; they are his nipples.”

Customer: “Nipples? But he’s a male. How does he have nipples? They have to be flea eggs.”

Me: “I assure you, he has no fleas, and the ‘eggs’ you have been trying to pick off are in fact his nipples.”

Customer: “Get the vet. You don’t know what you’re talking about. He’s a male! He can’t have nipples.”

Me: “Ma’am, do human males have nipples?”

Customer: *stares blankly for a moment* “Well, s***!” *walks out*

This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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Maybe He’s A Werewolf

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2010

(I work in a shoe store, men’s department.)

Me: “Good morning. Just let me know if you have any questions today.”

Customer: “Thank you. I am looking for shoes.”

Me: “Well, you are in the right store. What kind of shoes?”

Customer: “Shiny grey.”

Me: “You mean a silver shoe?”

Customer: “Exactly! But let’s just call it shiny grey.”

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In CyberSpace, No One Can Hear You Scream

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Internet Company]. You have reached [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “The Internet isn’t working again!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that; how long has it not been working?”

Customer: “Since all the weird lights last night!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, what are the lights on the modem doing now?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know? It’s covered in tinfoil!”

Me: “Ma’am, that a terrible fire hazard! You need to unwrap that now!”

Customer: “Absolutely not! It’s the only way to keep the aliens out! I would rather burn the house down than allow them into my computer!”

Me: “I’m sorry… aliens?”

Customer: “Yes, aliens! And those weird lights outside; I told you! That’s why it’s not working!”

(I hear her handling aluminum foil and a dog barking in the background.)

Customer: “So, are you going to get me a new modem or not?”

Me: “Certainly, just a moment.”

Customer: “That’s what I thought! Now hurry up! I need to go rewrap the dog!”

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In Soviet Russia, Language Speaks You

, , , | Right | October 21, 2010

(I am the customer in this story. I am looking for a certain book on WWII, but am having trouble finding the section.)

Employee: “Hey, could I help you find something?”

Me: “Ah, yes! I’m trying to find [Book]. Could you help me?”

(The employee has a very wide-eyed surprised look. She slowly nods and motions for me to follow.)

Employee: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Sir, these help?”

Me: “No, I’m looking for history.”

Employee: “Umm…” *looks down the books and hands me a Russian-English dictionary.*

Me: “Ah, I wasn’t speaking English, was I?” (She shakes her head and I laugh.) “Sorry about that. I was looking for [Book].”

(The employee laughed and took me to where I had wanted to go, the rest of our conversation, thankfully, in English.)

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