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They Really Should Call Them Help(less) Lines

, , , | Right | March 19, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Service Provider]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My cable TV isn’t working.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re a cell phone company.”

Customer: “I know, but I thought that you people would be able to help me with that anyway.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can only assist you with your cell phone service.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. I’m sorry, but we’re only trained to deal with phones. We don’t know anything at all about cable TV.”

Customer: “Oh, then who should I call?”

Me: “Do you have your cable bill with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Is there a 1-800 number on it?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You need to call that number.”

Customer: “Oh. Thank you!”


This story is part of our Hilarious Wrong Number roundup!

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More Than Mildly Confused

, , , | Right | March 15, 2010

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to buy some sausages.”

Me: “Okay. We have about fifteen different kinds, so which would you like?

Customer: “What’s the difference between the mild, medium, and hot?”

Me: “You mean in the price?”

Customer: “No, in flavor.”

Me: “One is mild, one is medium, and one is hot.”

Customer: “So, which is the hottest?”

Me: “The hot.”

Customer: “…and the mild is hotter than medium?”

Me: “No. The mild is the least hot, the medium is a bit hotter than that, and the hot has the most pepper.”

Customer: “So the mild is mild?”

In(tentional) Sickness And In Health

, , , , , , | Healthy Right | March 14, 2010

(We respond to an unconscious diabetic. While my partner is treating the patient, I am asking the wife some questions.)

Me: “So, is your husband on any medications?”

(She lists the medications her husband is on, including insulin.)

Me: “And has he been compliant with those medications lately?”

Wife: “Nope.”

Me: “Do you know why not?”

Wife: “Well, we had a big fight last week, so I hid all his meds. He hasn’t found them yet.”


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Remote Possibilities Are A Waste Of Time

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2010

Customer: “My cable box is broken.”

Me: “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Roughly every one minute the channel goes up. I tried turning it off and on; I tried unplugging it; I made sure no one was sitting on the remote; nothing works! You guys gave me a broken box!”

Me: “What does it currently show on the front of the box, sir?”

Customer: “Channel 932.”

Me: “And what time is it, sir?”

Customer: “9:32. Oh.” *hangs up*

Photo Incognito

, , , , , , | Right | March 11, 2010

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “My daughter’s passport photo was just rejected.”

Me: “Did she take it here?”

Customer: “No, it was taken at [other location].”

Me: “What can we do for you then?”

Customer: “It needs to be retaken!”

Me: “Well, if you would like to have your daughter come in we will be happy to take it for her.”

Customer: “She has to be here?”


This story is part of the Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Cringeworthy Stories About Embarrassing Parents

 

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