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Nicoteenagers

, , , , , | Right | May 26, 2010

(I have just gotten my first job, at age sixteen. I am a clerk in a gas station that mostly sells gas and cigarettes.)

Customer: “Oh, hey, [My Name], I didn’t know you worked here.”

Me: “Yeah, I just started a couple weeks ago. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “We were in grade eight together, and I’m only sixteen. I’m pretty sure I can’t sell you those.”

Customer: “Yeah, I like, failed a lot of grades. I’m nineteen now.”

Me: “Really? Can I see your ID then?”

Customer: “I… I think I’ll try the 7-eleven down the street.”


This story is part of our Fake ID roundup!

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Not So Beautiful Mind

, , , , , | Right | May 24, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book based on a movie. Life is Beautiful, I think?”

Me: “I don’t believe Life is Beautiful” was originally a book. Are you perhaps thinking of A Beautiful Mind?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes, that’s the one! Get me that one! It’s the one about World War II. And the guy is burned. And there’s a French Nurse. That’s the book I want!”

Me: “That actually sounds like The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje. I can grab a copy of that for you!”

Customer: “Yes! The English Patient. That sounds right. But Michael Ondaatje, that sounds like a foreign name. No, The English Patient wasn’t written by a foreigner. Do you have a copy that wasn’t written by Ondaatje? I want that story, but I want it written by a Canadian.”

Me: “So you want a copy of The English Patient that is not written by Michael Ondaatje?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s what I want. Do you have any copies of that story written by Margaret Atwood? I do like her.”

Me: “No. I really don’t think we do.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you think any of your other stores might?”

Me: “I doubt it, ma’am.”


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Odd Quarterly Statement

, , , , | Right | May 24, 2010

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

Customer: *gives me a twenty* “Don’t give me any quarters!”

Me: “All right.”

Customer: “I already have all the quarters!”

Me: “Oh, are you collecting coins?”

Customer: “No, but I already have all the quarters! If you give me any quarters, then I’ll know that I don’t have all the quarters! I’ll have to start all over!”


This story is part of our Weird Checkout Encounters roundup!

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When Your Number Is Up

, , , , | Right | May 19, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’m here for the immunization clinic.”

Me: “Sir, this is a bingo hall.”

Customer: “You’re mistaken. The people at the hospital told me to come here.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, this is a bingo hall. I don’t know why they would tell you to come here.”

Customer: “What are those people doing here then?” *points at the people playing bingo*

Me: “They’re playing bingo, sir.”

Customer: “You’re lying to me! You just want me to die!”

If It Walks Like A Duck And Quacks Like A Fish

, , , , , , | Right | May 18, 2010

Customer: “I think my dog is allergic to this food I bought here.”

Me: “That’s too bad. Would you like to exchange it for another kind?”

Customer: “It’s the fish in it. I thought fish was good for dogs.”

Me: “It is unless they are allergic to it; every dog is different. Why don’t you try this one? It has duck in it.”

Customer: “Duck? Duck is fish!”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Well, what is it, then?”

Me: “Ducks are birds.”

Customer: “But they go in the water!”


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