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A New Dimension of Stupidity

, , , , , | Right | May 13, 2010

(I pass the customer 3D glasses for his movie.)

Customer: “So these are 3D glasses?”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

Customer: *getting excited* “So, if I put them on and look at you, you’ll be in 3D?”

Me: “Sir, by definition, I’m already 3D.”

Customer: “No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “You’re dumb. Just stop talking.”


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For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2

, , , , | Right | May 8, 2010

Caller: “Hi. I’m trying to find you, but seem a bit lost.”

Me: “That’s no problem. Do you know approximately where you are?”

Caller: “Nova Scotia.”

Me: “That’s good, but I will need a bit more information. Are you in Halifax or Dartmouth?”

Caller: “Canada.”

Me: “Do you know which city you are in?”

Caller: “Canada.”

Me: “Canada is the country. Which area of the city are you in. Do you know which road you are on?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where have you driven from?”

Caller: “My aunt’s house.”

Me: “Do you know your aunt’s address?”

Caller: “She lives in Nova Scotia.”

Me: “Can you see any signs or landmarks?”

Caller: “I have some water on my right and some trees on my left.”

Me: “Any shops or gas stations?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “You will need to keep going straight and call me back as soon as you see a sign or can stop at a gas station or shop and ask for help.”

Caller: “I thought you were guest services. Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “I am trying, but I need a basic idea where you are.”

Caller: *shouting* “I’m. In. Canada!”


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Hair Apparent

, , , , , | Right | May 5, 2010

(Two guys around 15 years old show up.)

Customer #1: “Hey, can I get one ticket to [Movie]?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll just need to see a piece of ID, please.”

Customer #1: “Oh, dang. I don’t have any ID.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m afraid I can’t sell you a ticket. It is an adult-only movie.”

Customer #1: “Can’t you just let us in anyway?”

Me: “Sorry, not without ID.”

Customer #1: “Well, hey, will this work?” *pulls out student ID card to a local high school*

Me: “It doesn’t have your birthdate on it, so, no, it won’t.

Customer #2: “Well, can we pay you to let us in?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, we’ve got money.”

Me: *laughs* “Sorry, no.”

(Ten minutes later, they return with [Customer #1] holding his finger above his upper lip.)

Customer #1: “Hey, I’ve got a mustache. Now can I have one to [Movie]?”

Me: “No.”

Customer #2: “See, I told you that wouldn’t work!”


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Last Of The NonFictions

, , | Right | May 4, 2010

(I am a customer and I have been looking all over for a certain book. I see someone reading it.)

Me: “Excuse me, but could you show me where you found that?”

Girl: “Yeah, just follow me!”

(She leads me to a shelf of books.)

Girl: “I found it right there!”

Me: “I don’t see it.”

Girl: “Oh, that’s because I took the last one!”

Not About To Start A Revolution

, , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(A young female customer is paying for a work order. Her friends are nearby.)

Me: “The tech also recommends a tire rotation.”

Customer: “Oh okay… is that something I could get a friend to do?”

Me: “If they’ve got a jack and the lug nut key, sure.”

(Her friends come over.)

Customer: *to another young female friend* “I have to rotate my tires.”

Customer’s Friend: “I thought they did that when you drive?”


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