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Hollywood, M.D.

, , , , | Right | July 1, 2010

(A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

(I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand; that’ll just heal it up, right?”

Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

Me: “Where did you see it?”

Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”


This story is part of the Watching-Too-Much-CSI roundup!

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A Heated Topic

, , , , | Right | July 1, 2010

(Note: a lunch party is sitting outside on our deck, which overlooks the waterfront.)

Me: “How is everything, folks?”

Customer: “Oh, the food’s great! It’s just a bit chilly out here.”

Me: “If you’d like, I can move you to a table inside, where it’s warmer.”

Customer: “Actually, could you just turn up the heat?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The heat? Could you turn it up out here?”

Me: “There is no heating system.”

Customer: “Then, what’s that?” *points to railing around the deck*

Me: “That’s the railing.”

Customer: “No, it’s not; it’s a heater! It’s warm!” *touches railing as to show me how warm it is*

Me: “It’s warm because it’s been sitting in the sun.”

Customer: “Don’t try to trick me! I’m a scientist, and I know that heaters make things warm!”

Medication Frustration

, , , , | Right | June 28, 2010

Customer: “I’m picking up a prescription for [Name].”

Me: “Okay. Just a second.”

(I check the drawer for the prescription and can’t find it.)

Me: “When did you order it?”

Customer: “Well, I saw the doctor on Monday.”

Me: “So you came in on Monday?”

Customer: “No, I went to the doctor’s on Monday.”

Me: “Okay, so when did you drop your prescription off?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I went to the doctor.”

Me: “And did he give you a piece of paper that said what drugs you needed?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’s a prescription. You need to bring it here so that we know what you need.”

Customer: “But I saw the doctor on Monday! Why didn’t he do it?”

Me: “That’s not his job. That’s what pharmacists are for.”

Customer: “So, what, he’s a doctor but he’s not a pharmacist? Look, I saw him on Monday so he probably just did it then. You’re just not looking hard enough. Look for the things done on Monday!”


This story is part of our Pharmacy Roundup!

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The Truth Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow

, , , | Right | June 25, 2010

Customer: “Why isn’t my prescription ready yet?”

Me: “We’re trying to get in contact with your doctor because of a problem with the prescription. Your profile says you’re allergic to penicillin. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that stuff is really bad for me!”

Me: “The medication your doctor prescribed has penicillin in it, so we’re trying to get a hold of him to find out what he wants you to take.”

Customer: “Oh, well, he wants me to take the penicillin. That’s what he wrote down, right?”

Me: “Yes, but you said you were allergic to it.”

Customer: “But he’s a doctor, so he knows what’s best. If that’s what he wrote, then just give me that.”

Me: “Well, we’ll check with him first to make sure that it’s safe for you.”

Customer: “Of course it’s safe for me or the doctor wouldn’t have prescribed it! He probably just cured my allergies. Check my old prescriptions; I bet he prescribed me something to cure my allergy!”


This story is part of our Allergic To Common Sense roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Hilarious Stories About Customers Who Should Not Be Alive!

 

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Running Laps Around Your Technical Knowledge

, , , | Right | June 24, 2010

Me: “Okay, sir. Since doing that doesn’t seem to be working, can you clear your cache and cookies again and restart your computer, please?”

Caller: “Okay.”

(I hear fumbling on his line of the phone.)

Me: “Sir, just a quick question. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?”

Caller: “It’s on a desk.”

Me: “Okay, next question, does the monitor fold down onto the keyboard?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Does the monitor and keyboard have wires going from them to a big box with lights on it?”

Caller: “That’s way too technical for me to understand.”

Me: “Can you take it around with you around your home?”

Caller: “I’ve heard of flexible computer that people can fold up and take with them everywhere.”

Me: “That’s a laptop, sir. Is that what you have?”

Caller: “I still can’t login!”