Customer: “Do you have iPhone cases?”

Me: “Yep, they’re right over here.”

Customer: “Do you have an iPhone?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Do you have a phone?”

Me: “Yep. So, what kind of case were you looking for?”

Customer: “You don’t have an iPhone?”

Me: “No, I have a Nexus…”

Customer: “Well, I want a case that’s going to really protect my iPhone if I drop it. Like, something that will make sure it doesn’t break at all.”

Me: “Okay, well, I would suggest a [Phone Protector].”

(I pick one up to show him.)

Customer: “But you don’t have an iPhone.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Is there anyone here who does?”

Me: “Um, probably. But I don’t need to have an iPhone to know what kind of case you should get.”

Customer: “I just want to talk to someone who has an iPhone.”

(He then turns around and finds my coworker.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you have an iPhone?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Customer: “What kind of case should I get?”

(We’re selling refurbished game consoles, with two games for free, as a promo deal on a flyer. The problem is, one of those games isn’t out until later in the week.)

Customer: “Can I get a copy of this game? I was never told about it when I bought the console.”

Me: “Sir, that game doesn’t come out until Thursday; it’s Monday.”

(For reference, our flyers come out every Friday morning.)

Customer: “But your flyer says the console and these two games are $349!”

Me: “It does, sir, but we can’t break street date on the game. You’ll have to come back on Thursday to get the game. In the meantime, we’ll be happy to put it on hold for you.”

Customer: “This is f***** ridiculous. Just get me the game now. And I want a discount.”

Me: “Sir, we can’t. We physically don’t have the game here. We don’t get copies until Thursday, when it comes out.”

(Long story short, after yelling at me, another sales associate, and the manager, and demanding the CEO’s number, he left. I found out he came back Thursday and bought the game at full price.)

(I have an onsite computer repair business. To take payments, I have a POS terminal that plugs into my laptop and integrates very nicely with my accounting software, so I don’t have to input any payments afterwards. Unlike other solutions, it also accepts Canadian debit cards. At my last call of the day, the terminal does not even turn on when I plug it in. Fortunately, it is a smaller job, so my regular client just pays me cash. After I return to my home office, I do some basic troubleshooting, and then call tech support. The actual call goes in circles for about 45 minutes; this is the summary version:)

Me: “My terminal is not turning on; I can’t take payments with it. I’ve tried multiple USB ports on three different computers. All have been able to use it before, but it doesn’t even turn on at all.”

Support: “My apologies, sir, but our server is down; that’s why payments aren’t going through.”

Me: “Thank you for that, but my terminal isn’t even turning on. Normally, when I plug it in, it lights up and shows a bunch of letters and numbers on it before it gets to the ‘Ready’ prompt.”

Support: “The server is down, sir. It should be back up in a few hours.”

Me: “This is not a server issue. When I plug it in, it always lights up, even if I haven’t connected the laptop to an Internet connection yet. I often use my phone’s hotspot when I can’t connect to the client’s connection, and it still normally lights up even if it can’t connect yet. This is NOT a server issue.”

Support: “Our server is down, sir. You cannot take payments right now.”

Me: “That’s fine. You still need to send me a new terminal. My computer does not even see that the hardware is connected. It does not show up in the device manager. If I plug it into a computer that has never used it, it does not ask to install drivers. [Accounting Software] does not see that the terminal is even there. All of this happens before it even thinks about contacting your server. It only contacts your server when it’s time to do a transaction, and that should lead to an ‘Unable to complete transaction’ error. Send me a new terminal.”

Support: “Correct, sir. The server is down; that’s why you are getting that ‘Unable to complete transaction’ error.”

Me: “I am not getting that error message.”

Support: “Then why did you mention it? What error are you getting?”

Me: “I’m not getting any error message. The terminal does not even turn on.”

Support: “I cannot help you if you cannot keep your story straight. Goodbye.”

(The phone line goes dead.)

Me: *dials back* “Give me someone who can authorize an RMA; your techs are useless. I just spent 45 minutes being told your server is down when I told them my terminal doesn’t even turn on.”

Support #2: “One moment, sir.” *call transferred*

Support #3: “How can I help you?”

(I explain once again.)

Support #3: “I apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you and your business. Can I get the serial number for the terminal? It starts with 37, and you can find it just below the barcode on the back of the terminal.”

Me: “37*********.”

Support #3: “Thank you, sir. I’m expediting a new terminal to you. It should arrive in two days.”

(Total time after the call back? Five minutes, including the brief hold for the transfer. I got the replacement device on the day they promised, and it continued to work perfectly until I closed the business three years later.)

(I’m the manager at a popular clothing store, and the only one working the register, as it is a very slow day. An elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair comes up to the counter and puts her items down on a section where there are no registers.)

Me: “Hi there! Are you ready to go?”

Customer: *fumbling around in her purse, not really paying attention*

Me: “If you’re ready, I’ll take you on this side here!” *picks up her items and puts them beside my register*

Customer: *still fumbling* “It’ll be much easier if you come to me.”

Me: *a bit confused because she is in a motorized wheelchair and it shouldn’t take more effort for her to drive the extremely short distance to where I am* “Oh, okay. How will you be paying? If it’s by cash, I can process the transaction over here with no problem, and hand you back your change; however, if it’s by card, unfortunately, I can’t do it as easily because our card terminals have cords and won’t reach that far.”

Customer: *finally stops fumbling in her purse as she pulls out her credit card and glares at me* “Then I don’t want this! I like to be waited on and greeted with a smile! You tell your boss that you just lost a customer!”

Me: *stunned* “I’m sorry. What can I do to fix this?”

(The customer turned around and drove away, mumbling incoherently. I remained stunned, and still wonder why she couldn’t just drive over to my register. It’s not like I could disconnect the card terminal and bring it to her.)

(My dad is a music teacher and often brings us to his school. In June, after final exams, students can come in and see their mark early. My sister is with my dad, and they are about to leave, when a late student comes up.)

Student: “Hey, Mr. [Dad]. Did I finally pass guitar this time?”

Dad: “Uh, no. Sorry, [Student]. I had to fail you again.”

Student: “Oh… Oh, well. See you next year, then! Have a great summer.”

(My dad waves back at the student before turning to my sister.)

Dad: “Don’t ever be like that kid.”