Changing The World, Two Letters At A Time

, , , | Right | August 11, 2009

(I’m a customer at a restaurant and overhear this conversation between another customer and the waitress.)

Customer: *to waitress* “Can you tell me how long it is from here to Bah-nah-f-f?

Waitress: “I think you mean Banff, sir.”

Customer: “No, Bah-nah-f-f.”

Waitress: “There is no city or town by that name in Alberta.”

(The customer pulls out a map and points to Banff.)

Customer: “Yeah there is, right here. BAH-NAH-F-F!”

Waitress: “That’s pronounced Banff, sir.”

Customer: “Nope, it’s pronounced BAH-NA-F-F!”

Waitress: “Sir, I’ve lived in Alberta my entire life, and can assure you it’s pronounced Banff.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid! When I get there, I’m changing the pronunciation.”

Waitress: “You’re gonna go to Banff and just change the pronunciation of the name?”

Customer: “Yes!”


This story is part of our Wrong Names roundup!

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Bilingual Secret Shame

, , | Right | April 20, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, what are diaper couches?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Diaper couches.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: *points to the boxes of diapers* “That box! It says ‘diaper couches’.”

Me: *suddenly understanding* “Ma’am, that box says diapers, and then it says ‘couches’. That’s the French word for diapers.”

Customer: *looks around, then whispers* “Don’t tell anyone!” *leaves*

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What A Kilo-Moron

, , , | Right | April 13, 2009

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me how big an order of breadsticks is?”

Me: “Well, a small is six, and a large is twelve.”

(The customer and his wife confer for a moment before he turns back to me.)

Customer: “We’re from the States; we don’t use the metric system. Can you convert it?”


This story is part of our Metric System roundup!

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Welcome To Glorious Nation Of North Americastan

, , , | Right | February 5, 2009

Customer: “Do you sell any other calling cards here?”

Salesperson: “No, just the ones on that rack. Sorry.”

Customer: “I need to call the States and I don’t want to get charged for long-distance! I need a card that can call from Canada to the US!”

Salesperson: “Those calling cards can call to the US.”

Customer: “But it says they only work in North America!”


This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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Deranged Decades

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2008

(I used to work summers for my dad, who is a psychiatrist.)

Me: “Good morning, Dr. [Name]’s Office, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need to make an appointment with Dr. [Name]. Can I speak with him?”

Me: “Sorry, he’s with a patient right now but if you give me your information, I’ll set up an appointment for you. Are you currently a patient of Dr. [Name]?”

Caller: “Yes, I was a guinea pig of his when he did lithium experiments on me back in the 1940s.”

Me: “Um… I think you got your dates wrong. Dr. [Name] wasn’t born at that time.”

Caller: “Oh, then in the 1950s. It was in the 1950s and he and the government were running secret experiments on me at that time.”

Me: “I doubt that, he would have just been a young child at that time.”

Caller: “Then it was the 1960s, d*** it! It was at the [Hospital] in Alberta in the 1960’s.”

Me: “Dr. [Name] has never practiced in Alberta. He wasn’t even living in Canada at that time.”

Caller: “Are you calling me a LIAR?”

Me: “Well, considering that Dr. [Name] is my dad, I think I’ll take my word over yours.”

Caller: “Well, then we can’t do business. No, we can’t do any business. Goodbye!” *hangs up*

Me: “Wow…”

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