(I work at fast food place that is an independent building. We up-sell products like any business, but today we get some advice on exactly what we should be selling to customers.)

Customer: “Can you put salt and ketchup into the bag?”

Cashier: “Yes, of course.”

Customer: “Why would you say yes to that? You’re promoting unhealthy eating!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand.”

Customer: “You can’t be giving out salt! Salt will kill you! You should be offering pepper instead! This is ridiculous!”

Cashier: “…would you like pepper instead of salt, sir?”

(The customer scoffed and drove to the second window, continuing to rant about the negative effects of salt. Needless to say, he never clarified if he wanted pepper, so we put salt, per his request, in his bag.)

(I work at an amusement park. I go on my 40-minute break to the staff cafeteria and see it is almost completely filled. I find an empty spot, and soon enough a cute girl asks if she can share my table.)

Girl: “Hi, can I sit here?”

Me: “Sure.” *she sits down* “Where do you work?”

Girl: “I work in retail, usually at the big store at the front of the park. What about you? I don’t recognize your uniform.”

Me: “I work crowd control.”

Girl: “But… don’t you have to be intimidating to do that?” *looks under table* “I guess you’re tall.”

My husband and I go to a local sub shop to get lunch because, although their food is far from tasty, they have bubble tea, which I adore.

I order a strawberry one, and we sit and chat while they prep our food. We grab it and leave, and I take a slurp of my bubble tea and get a mouthful of milk.

We go back in and I tell the gal that there has been some sort of mistake. She explains casually, as if it makes total sense, “Oh, yeah. Our blender broke yesterday, so I had to just put the ingredients [ice, milk, strawberries] in the cup with the tapioca, without blending it first.”

She fights me about getting a refund, too, asking me what I expect her to do without a working blender. I expect her to tell customers they can’t get any bubble tea because the blender’s broken, obviously, rather than charge people $6 for a cup of milk with stuff floating in it!

(I am doing Internet tech support over the phone.)

Me: “I’d like you check if you can see your WiFi name now, please.”

Customer: *too fast to have re-checked the list* “It’s still not there.”

Me: “Okay, can I have you just refresh the list, please?”

Customer: *angrily* “I don’t know how to do that! I’m forty! I don’t know anything about all this technology stuff!”

(I managed to refrain from telling him that I am forty-three, and not only am I not the oldest in the call centre, one of my coworkers left retirement to come and work with us! There are many excuses for being ignorant about technology, but being middle-aged isn’t one of them.)

Student #1: “Are you being racist to yourself?”

Teacher: *confused look* “Did you just say he’s racist?

Student #1: “No, I said he’s racist to himself.”

Teacher: “How?”

Student #2: *the student being talked about* “I said all my cousins look like me because we’re Asian.”