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Wish You Could Curl Up Into A Ball And Die

, , , , | Friendly | January 29, 2018

I had been watching a YouTube channel that deals with death and the funeral industry, and I pulled up a video on my cell to show a friend. The next morning, I went into a quiet coffee shop for breakfast. There were only two other customers, chatting quietly with the staff. I decided to do some reading while I ate and tried to open a browser with one hand while undoing my jacket with the other. Unfortunately, the video was still open on my browser and I managed to hit the play button. So, loudly, in this quiet coffee shop, these words boomed out from my phone: “Haven’t you ever just wanted to touch a corpse?”

The place went silent as I quickly muted my phone, and I got quite a few looks from the customers. I just kind of mumbled an apology, something along the lines of, “I don’t know how that video got there,” but I’m still pretty sure they thought I was a necrophiliac or something.

Not Taking Account Of Their Stupidity

, , , | Right | January 29, 2018

(I work for a cell phone company. A customer calls in requesting his account number to transfer to another company.)

Customer: “I’m calling to get my account number.”

Me: “Sure! Your account number is [number].”

Customer: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Sir, it shows me the account number right here. This is your account number.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. I know my account number.”

Me: “If you don’t mind me asking, if you know your account number, why did you call to ask me what it was?”

Customer: “Uh…” *hangs up*

No Poop Is Innocent

, , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2018

(Two little girls are in the woman’s washroom. Both sound like they are under six years old.)

Little Girl #1: “I have to poop!”

Little Girl #2: “Don’t say that; we’re innocent people!”

(It was all I could do not to burst out laughing in my stall.)

Enough To Make You Grind Your Teeth

, , , , , | Healthy | January 27, 2018

(I’ve been going to a dentist clinic for a few months. I love the place and the staff; they’re considerate of the expensive costs of treatments, they’re friendly, and they take the time to explain options. The moment I get dental insurance from work, I become a regular patient to fix all the little things I’ve been putting off. Sadly, for some reason, the dentist turnover becomes high. At this point, I’ve seen four different ones already. I’ve had all my repairs done, got a mouth guard for grinding my teeth, and am just finishing a yearly cleaning.)

Dentist #1: *who I’ve never had before* “Well, everything looks good on your x-rays. We’ll see you in six months!”

(A month later, I’m back with a pretty infected tooth that requires a root canal treatment. Yet another dentist, the first male one I’ve encountered, greets me.)

Dentist #2: *cheerfully* “How are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m here because I’m in a lot of pain, so—”

Dentist #2: “Oh, no. You’re doing well!”

(I’m a bit annoyed that he would tell ME how I’M doing, but I let it go. He starts the procedure, after pressing his belly into the back of my head twice while looking for tools and not apologizing. Towards the end, there is terrible pain, which I had not been warned about in any way. I’m crying and upset by the time I get out, just in a hurry to leave that place. It hurts more than the tooth did before he did anything to it. Because my insurance is almost maxed out for the year, I end up paying several hundred dollars for the procedure. And we’re just in May. A week later, the temporary seal, which I was not told was temporary, starts coming off while I eat. I had been told I would need a crown, but since nothing else was explained, I thought I was good to go until the following year, having told them about the insurance being maxed. I see [Dentist #3], who says I should get a screw and a crown, and nods when I explain I have to wait, as I don’t have $1,500 to pay for it. She puts a white filling over the tooth in the meantime. The clinic calls me three times for me to get an appointment for the screw and crown, the third one in November. I explain the insurance thing to the receptionist, and schedule an appointment in January. A week after the November call, my gums around that tooth begin swelling when I eat, so I go back.)

Dentist #4: “The filling has just slightly been dislodged, so it’s rubbing against your gums. We’ll fix it for free, since we have a warranty on repairs.”

Me: “When was the last time I came for a cleaning?”

Dentist #4: “In mid-April.”

Me: “And when did I come back with an infected tooth?”

Dentist #4: “In May.”

Me: “Is it really possible for [Dentist #1] to have missed a tooth that ended up infected a month later? She did take x-rays.”

Dentist #4: *is silent for a while, looking at the computer, then, slowly* “Yes, it’s not visible on them.” *points vaguely to the x-rays, which I obviously have no knowledge to interpret*

Me: “Okay. Also, the dentist who performed the root canal treatment didn’t warn me about the pain, and didn’t explain that the seal was temporary.”

Dentist #4: “Well… sometimes when dentists explain all the procedures and costs needed, it scares the patient.”

Me: *in shock* “Well, that’s dishonest.”

Dentist #4: “I understand that you don’t like it.”

(I leave after the repair a bit shaken. Before I leave I ask her to confirm that my $800 mouth guard will not have to be replaced after getting the crown, as I was told by another member of the staff that this might be necessary. The next evening, [Dentist #4] calls and leaves a voicemail.)

Dentist #4: “Hello, I’m calling to set up an appointment for the screw and crown. Please call back.”

(Nothing was said of the mouth guard, and the message disregarded the fact that I HAD an appointment set in January already. I couldn’t call back that evening. The next morning, at 11, I got a call from the receptionist, asking me again to make an appointment! I asked her to cancel the one I had in January, and not to call again. Surely other clinics have staff that have it together.)

I Need You To Make The Internet Work Better!

, , , | Right | January 26, 2018

Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [Business]. This is [My Name], in [City]. With whom am I speaking today?”

Customer: “I am trying to log in to my account with you people and it will not let me. I just need to read my emails.”

Me: “Okay, are you already at [Company].ca?”

Customer: “Yes, and I have been trying for hours. This is just so frustrating! This needs to be more user-friendly for people.”

Me: “I apologize, sir, but I will walk you through this. Now, do you see up along the top where is says, ‘support,’ ‘sales,’ ‘customer,’ ‘community,’ and ‘webmail’? It’s along the very top in the white bar.”

Customer: “No, I don’t see any of this.”

Me: “Okay, what do you see?”

Customer: “Well, I see the Google symbol up in the left hand corner, the search bar, and a bunch of blue writing below.”

Me: “Sir, you are on the Google search page, not our website.”

Customer: *raises voice* “Well, I typed your company name in the top white bar, so this has to be your website! You know, if you’re going to provide the Internet to someone, you should make sure it works properly so we can search easier! I think I am just going to cancel your services and switch to [Competitor]!” *hangs up*