Phoney Request

, , , , | Right | December 18, 2010

(Our store phone rings. A customer answers it before I can get to it.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “I’m sorry, that is the store phone. Please hand it over to me.”

Customer: “Go away! I’m trying to have a conversation here!”

(I step forward to take the phone away. I hear talking from the other end of the phone.)

Caller: “Why, hello there! Can I order some tampons, some birth control pills, and a thong?”

(Both the customer and caller are male. The customer gets embarrassed and thrusts the phone into my hands.)

Me: “Sorry about that, sir. What would you like?”

Caller: “Oh good, that idiot’s gone. Do you have any Metallica CDs in stock?”

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Inn-Experienced Guest, Part 2

, , , | Right | December 17, 2010

Guest: “So, is this hotel open 24 hours?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Guest: “Really?”

Me: “Yes, otherwise we would have to kick everyone out at 11 pm so we could go home.”

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Loyalty Ist Verboten!

, , , | Right | December 14, 2010

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”

Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be [total]. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”

Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

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Luncheon And On And On

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2010

(I quit working at this store for seven months and then returned.)

Customer: “Oh, so how are things? I haven’t seen you for a while.”

Me: “Oh, good. Yeah, I actually haven’t worked here for the last seven months. This is my first day back.”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were on a lunch break or something.”

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Some Customers Are Completely See Through, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2010

Customer: “I’d like a caramel apple latte, please.”

Me: “Certainly. Would you like that to go or in a mug?”

Customer: “A mug, please.”

(I grab a ceramic mug and start to prepare the drink.)

Customer: “What? No, I want a glass mug, like the one in that poster over there.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t actually have glass mugs. I think they just used it in that ad so you can see the drink.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! It’s false advertising! I don’t want a caramel apple latte unless it’s in a glass mug!”

Me: “I think you should know that it tastes great whether you can see it through the mug or not.”

Customer: “You’re wrong! The glass mug adds fancy deliciousness! I’m never coming here again!” *storms out*

Next Customer In Line: “I’ll have a caramel apple latte, fancy deliciousness not included.”

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