(I don’t think this series of text messages from an employee — who didn’t last too long, by the way — to our boss needs much commentary.)
Employee: “I can’t come into work today. My dog is really sick, and I need to take her to the vet.”
Employee: *texts photo of a pile of dog vomit*
(I work at a popular restaurant where we cut all our own fries, despite only having one small machine to do it. One day while prepping a batch with the machine, a coworker badly cuts up his hand, requiring him to get stitches. A month later, one of my bosses spots me in our fridge and ushers me over to some newly delivered boxes.)
Boss: “Check it out.”
(It turns out, we’ve received a dozen boxes of pre-cut fries.)
Me: “Oh, wow! No more fry cutting?”
Boss: “We finally talked the higher-ups into letting us get them pre-cut on a safety issue! God bless [Coworker] for cutting off his hand!”
(I used to live on what was basically a commune, accessible only by boat. We also only had a marine radio for communication. Once a month, a couple of us would take the battered farm boat into town to run errands. We would usually go to the library and take out the maximum number of books, which would be due in 30 days. One month, we have a large box of books to go back to the library, but the boat motor has packed it in, and it is a couple of weeks before we can get it repaired and get into town. We approach the library desk with trepidation, fearing a huge fine.)
Librarian: “Oh, it’s you guys. When you didn’t come in for so long, I figured something had to be wrong, so I renewed all your books.”
(Thank you, library lady!)
(I’m working at a small town radio station. We have a big event coming up in town, and we’re deciding how to handle it. Some of the radio jargon: a “remote” is when we’re live on location from an event, and “canning the remote” is when we pre-record some or all of our coverage about the event.)
Boss: “Okay, this is a pretty major event, and I want our presence there to be as big as possible. Therefore, I want you to can the remote, so everyone can be at the event, interacting with the crowd.”
(My coworker and I agree. The day comes, so we make our recording about the event at the station, as per the boss’s orders, load up our gear into the station vehicle, and head to the event. We arrive, set up our booth, and get ready to do our thing. When the boss shows up, she looks at us and says:)
Boss: “By the way, you’re not getting paid for this. Because you decided to can this remote so you can all be here screwing around, it no longer counts as a remote.”
(From that day forth, whenever the boss told us to can a remote so, “we can all be there and maximize our presence,” we politely told her, “No.”)
(I work at a car dealership in the service department. Right before long weekends, we are always booked up with plenty of appointments, so if you don’t book early enough, you will not be getting your vehicle in.)
Me: *answering the phone* “Hi! [Car Dealership] service department. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Hello, I am [Customer]. What is wrong with my vehicle?”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What?”
Customer: “I need to know what’s wrong with my vehicle; it is leaking.”
Me: “Well, sir, what is it leaking?”
Customer: “I don’t know… Fluid.”
Me: “Well, if you make an appointment and bring the vehicle in, we can check that out for you.”
Customer: “So, you can’t tell me what’s wrong with my vehicle?”
Me: “No, sir. We would need to see the vehicle.”
Customer: “Fine, I will bring it in Tuesday.”
Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we are currently booking the week after next week.”
Customer: “No, I will bring it in this coming Tuesday.”
Me: “Sir, we are already completely booked up for that day; the fastest I can get you in is the following Tuesday.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have been a customer here for ten years, and this is how you treat me? You can’t even tell me what’s wrong with my vehicle; why should I bring it in to be fixed? For all I know, it’s not even broken!”
Me: “Sir, you called and told us the issue.”
Customer: “Regardless, you will have to move someone out of their spot to fit me in, as I am a return customer of ten years.”
Me: “I am sorry, but that is not how this works. I cannot move someone who called earlier and tell them I need to move their appointment.”
Customer: “YOU LISTEN HERE! THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH; I AM A DOCTOR AND I NEED MY VEHICLE FIXED!”
Me: “I am sorry, sir, but regardless of your profession, I cannot move your appointment up any further than the following Tuesday. Would you like me to book that in?”
Customer: “LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING. I DO NOT NEED TO TELL YOU WHOSE JOB, BETWEEN US, IS MORE IMPORTANT, DO I?”
Me: “No, you do not; however, it doesn’t change the fact that I cannot diagnose your issue without seeing the vehicle, and I cannot get your appointment to happen any faster.”
Customer: “PEOPLE WILL DIE, AND IT’S YOUR FAULT! I HOPE YOU CAN LIVE WITH THAT!”
(The customer then hung up. At this point everyone in service was staring at me because they could hear this very angry customer screaming at me over the phone.)
