Two Pillows On The Couch, Once Daily

, , , , , | Right | January 26, 2011

(I need to make a new profile for the customer’s wife on our computer system, so the customer calls his wife.)

Customer: *to wife* “Hello? What’s your card number? It’s for the prescription.”

(The customer relays the card number to me. I ask for her birthday.)

Customer: *to wife* “When’s your birthday? No, of course I remember. It’s December 7th!”

(I hear his wife cry out loudly over the phone.)

Customer: *to wife* “What? It’s September 22nd?!”

(The customer ends the conversation and hangs up the phone.)

Me: “Are you going to be all right when you go back?”

Customer: “You should warn me next time you have to ask for her birthday.”

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Identity TV Determined

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2011

Customer: “Are you on the show [TV show]?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “You know the show [TV show]? Are you on it? Cause you really look like a character on it.”

Me: “No, I am sorry I am not.”

Customer: “Are you lying to me? I am pretty sure you are that girl from [TV show]!”

Me: “No, I work at [Coffee shop], not on a television show.”

(This went on until my manager had to step in.)

Manager: *sarcastically* “Yes she is on [TV show], she just likes to fly hundreds of kilometers back to Wasaga to work at [Coffee Shop] because she needs extra money.”

Customer: “I knew it!”

(Later on, she brought her boyfriend back and tried to convince me to give her an autograph.)

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Gambling With His Life

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2011

(It’s been snowing for the last few days, and the roads are making travel difficult.)

Customer: “Boy! Those roads are horrible!”

Me: “Yes, sir, so I’ve heard.”

Customer: “I don’t know why anyone would be out in this if they didn’t have to be!”

Me: “I agree. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Oh, I need some cigarettes and lottery tickets.”

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Jingling, It Would Seem, Is Not The Key

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2011

(I’m working in the cheese section of the deli, with my back turned to the meat slicer. Suddenly, I hear jingling. I check the floor to see if I dropped something, then continue working. The jingling resumes. I turn around and notice a customer at the meat slicer counter, jingling his keys at me. He then starts making noises one would use to call a pet.)

Me: “Sir, we have bell.”

Customer: *looks at bell*

Customer: *pauses*

Customer: *jingles keys*

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Breathless Anticipation

, , , , | Right | January 7, 2011

Customer: “I want to make a complaint about that young man that works here. He didn’t help me at all and I need to find a certain book.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Was the book misplaced? Is that why he couldn’t find it?”

Customer: “Well, no. He didn’t offer to help me at all. I walked by him three times and sighed loudly, and it’s his job to know that I need help and to help me out.”

Me: “Are you complaining because he’s supposed to assume that you need help, even when you didn’t ask him for help?”

Customer: “It’s the polite thing to do! No one here can find books, they’re all shelved funny and it’s your job to know that we need help finding them. Make him do his job properly!”

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