(Chicken drumsticks were on sale the previous week for a dollar off per pound.)

Customer: “I’ll take ten pounds of drumsticks. These are on sale, right?”

Me: “No, sir. That was last week, sorry. This week they’re back to regular price.”

Customer: “That’s okay; just give them to me for the sale price.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not able to do that, sir. The sale is over. Do you still want them?”

Customer: *waves impatiently* “Just change the price; I know you can.”

Me: “Uh, no. Actually, I can’t.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Just do it!”

Me: “Sir, the prices are downloaded into the scales from a central computer. I just punch in the product code. The price is what it is.”

Customer: “You can override it. Do you think I don’t know that?”

Me: “Well, that’s more than I know.”

(Even the department manager can’t override the prices, and I’m just a clerk.)

Customer: “Just do it!”

Me: “Even if I could do that, which I can’t, please explain to me why it would be worth losing my job just to save you a few dollars?”

Customer: “I know the owner.”

Me: “Oh, yes? Well, Mr. [Owner] knows a lot of people. I know him myself, and I don’t get to name my own prices in the store.” *smiling*

Customer: “Very funny. He’s a good friend of mine.”

Me: “Oh! Well, in that case, there’s no problem!”

Customer: “Aha! I knew it!”

Me: “Sure! You just call up your good friend and have him arrange a discount for you.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “You have his number, of course?”

Customer: *pause* “Just give me five pounds of drumsticks.”

Me: “Sure thing!” *bags and weighs* “That comes to [regular price]. Have a great day!”

I work at a stroller rental booth at the local mall. Whenever someone wants to rent a stroller they need to sign a waiver.

We have a huge rush one day, so my coworker is handing out waivers while I assign strollers. We don’t have time to carefully look over the waivers as they are turned in.

After the rush, I begin sorting through the waivers and realise my coworker probably should have been paying more attention.

It is clear a mother just handed the clipboard to her child to sign because the writing is messy and under name, they just put, “My Ma.”

My coworker is fired a few days later for being incompetent again, as she gives out strollers without anyone signing waivers because she doesn’t want to “deal with the paperwork.”

Customer: “Do you sell iBooks?”

Me: “You want to download an ebook for your ereader?”

Customer: “No. I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you already own an ereader?”

Customer: “No, I just want the iBook.”

Me: “Okay, so, you have an iPad? And you’re not sure how to download books?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(The customer then turns to her friend and they talk to each other in another language, and it sounds like they both agree on something. Then they just turn and stare at me.)

Me: “So… You need an ereader?”

Customer: “I don’t know!”

Me: “What do you have now?”

Customer: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Okay. Um… You want to read electronic books, on a device that lets you do that, correct?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you already have a device that lets your read electronic books?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, then you need an ereader.”

(I work in a copy shop. It is an extremely busy day and it has been non-stop with customers and copy orders since we opened. This conversation starts after I tell a customer I don’t have time to do her order while she waits, since it’s so busy with other customers.)

Customer: “Okay. I guess I can come back at five for it, then.”

Me: “Okay.”

(We book in the order.)

Customer: “Okay, so, I can come back at one?”

Me: “Um, you said five.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’ll be on my lunch at one, so it’s easier to come then.”

Me: “Let me see what other orders I have booked in.”

(I check to see when everything else is due. Getting it done by one will be tight, but I think I can do it.)

Me: “Okay, sure. Come back at one.”

(I basically panic getting the order done by one, but I do it with just a few minutes to spare. She doesn’t pick it up until five.)

Customer: “I hope you didn’t rush it for one!”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “When will we get out tonight?”

Me: “We close at eight.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but like, when can we leave?”

Me: “You end at nine.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but like, will I get out at nine?”

Me: *putting my fingers to my temple* “Hold on. I’m seeing into the future to find the answer.”