When Grave Concerns Are Warranted

, , , , , , | Right | August 31, 2010

(After talking to an elderly customer about a computer and all its benefits, I try to talk to him about our in-store warranty.)

Me: “So, are you interested in purchasing this computer and having it protected for three years through us?”

Customer: “I would be dead by then.”

Me: “Then it would be a lifetime warranty.”

Customer: *laughs*

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Cheapskating Around The Issue

, , , , , , | Right | August 31, 2010

(The store is very popular around Christmas time. We have a general rule not to do price adjustments, particularly on Christmas gifts as they are always marked down after the holidays. A customer hands me a receipt; he has no bags with him.)

Customer: “I’d like to do a price adjustment for these gifts.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t do price adjustments.”

Customer: “Well, then I’ll return them and buy them back on sale. So give me back the money for them.”

Me: “I can’t give you back money for products that you don’t give back to me.”

Customer: “I’m just going to buy them back for the sale price right away anyway, so just give me the money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without the products, I can’t give you any money back or do a price adjustment. If you bring in the products I will gladly return and resell them to you.”

Customer: “I’ve already given them away! They were Christmas gifts for my family, you idiot!”

Me: “Can you let your family know that you want to take their gifts back so that you can get some money back from them?”

Customer: “What do I look like to you, some kind of cheapskate?!”

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History (Deep) Pans Out

, , , | Right | August 27, 2010

(A Native Canadian customer comes into the store with five small children.)

Customer: “Why do the deluxe and the Hawaiian pizza cost the same? One has more toppings!”

Me: “To be honest, I’m not really sure. That’s just the way the company works, I guess.”

Customer: “Well, can I get a discount for the Hawaiian, then? It has five less toppings!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

Customer: *long pause* “You’re a cruel person.”

Me: “Come again?”

Customer: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”

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Some Assembly And Intelligence Required

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2010

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [Home Improvement Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I just had my shed delivered this morning and you people sent me the wrong size.”

Me: “Okay, just let me pull up your order here and see what may have gone wrong.”

Customer: “I don’t know how you people could have messed this up, I clearly ordered a 6×6 shed and I just measured the one you delivered and its clearly only 4×6.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Well, the type of shed we delivered only comes in a 6×6 model. Did you happen to have any parts left over when you finished building it?”

Customer: “Oh, well, I haven’t actually built it yet. But I’ve measured the crate it comes in and it only measures 4×6.”

Me: “Sir, what does the label on the crate say?”

Customer: “It says 6×6. But I measured it and it’s only 4×6!”

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Had Too Many Muska-Beers

, , , | Right | August 26, 2010

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have any books by Alexander Dumba**?”

Me: “I think you mean Alexandre Dumas?”

Customer: “Oh, is that how you say it?”

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