A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Me: “Good evening! You have reached [Campground]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”

Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”

Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!”

Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.”

Customer: “What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes. Have a great night.”

 

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A Nation Of Size Queens

, , , , , | Right | October 27, 2008

(I work at a tourist information booth set up along the path by Niagara Falls.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, ma’am. How do I get to the falls from here?”

Me: “The Falls? They’re just behind me. That one is the Canadian Falls, also known as the Horseshoe Falls, and that other one’s the American Falls. ”

Tourist: “Why is the Cay-nay-dian Falls bigger than ours?”

Me: “Geography, I suppose.”

Tourist: “I think you have it wrong. The big one MUST be the American one.”

Me: “No, that one is the Canadian Falls.”

Tourist: “This is insane! I’m going to write my congressman and demand that that-there big falls should be ours! You Cay-Nay-Dians shouldn’t have the big one!”

Me: “You’re going to annex our Falls? Really?”

Tourist: “H*** yes I am! I have more of a right to it than you do!”

Me: “But… it’s in my country.”

Tourist: “Well, we’ll just see about that!” *storms off*

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Personally, I Prefer Stars And Polkadots

, , | Right | September 7, 2008

American Customer: “Your flag is just so pretty. I love maple leaves. Does it come in blue?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry. Only red.”

American Customer: “That’s a shame. My kitchen is blue, and it would look so pretty on the wall. You should make them in other colours.”

Me: “…”

Canadian Customer Behind Her: “That’s a good point. I’ve always thought the Stars-and-Stripes would look great in earth tones.”

American customer: “Our flag is ALWAYS red, white, and blue! Honestly, Canadians are so stupid sometimes.”

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Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones

, , , | Right | August 4, 2008

(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt, and some rubber-hand work gloves on.)

Me: *walks out of the cooler*

Customer: “Are you f****** insane? It’s freezing in there.

Me: “I don’t mind it.”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.”

Customer:Warm!? In a cooler?! You’re a god-d*** liar! How can you be warm in there?!”

Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”

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The War Of 1812 Revisited

, , , | Right | July 25, 2008

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Old Man: “Thank you. Is your family doing anything for the 4th of July?”

Me: “Not really. We’re Canadian so we may hold a BBQ on July 1st, which is Canada Day.”

Old Man: “WHAT? You’re not American? I thought all foreigners had to become American when they came to this country!”

Me: “No, sir, my family all has green cards, so we’re all still Canadian citizens.”

Old Man: “I’M SICK OF ALL YOU F****** ILLEGAL ALIENS TAKING ALL OUR F****** JOBS! AN AMERICAN BOY SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!”

 

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