Pray It’s Not Sold Out At Times Square

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2010

Customer: “Two senior tickets for [Film].”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re no longer playing that film.”

Customer: “What? But you were playing it yesterday!”

Me: “Well, we usually get new movies on Friday.”

Customer: “My friend looked online and it said it was playing here.”

Me: “What website did you friend go to? Did it say the film would be playing here on Friday? Sometimes the websites get the movie listings wrong.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I’m a native New Yorker and if this was New York, you’d be shot!”

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The Sound Of Silence

, , | Right | February 6, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Listen, could you please just transfer me to your business services department, please?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure they’re closed today. They always are on Saturdays.”

Customer: “Transfer me there anyway.”

Me: “Ma’am, nobody will answer the phone.”

Customer: “Transfer me there ANYWAY!”

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On Sale: Humble Pie

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2010

Me: “Hello, how are you today? I see you have picked out a lot of our sale items today.”

Customer: “Yes, I did! I think these sales are great!”

(I smile as I continue ringing in her items.)

Customer: “Um, this cereal is $1.99, not $2.99.”

Me: “It says right here that this cereal is $2.99. You must just be mistaken with another brand. It can get pretty confusing sometimes.”

Customer: “No, that cereal is $1.99! You’re wrong! I know it is; I saw it like that on the shelf!”

Me: “My apologies, the sign must be for another product. I will call someone to go check–”

Customer: “No! The sign said that this cereal is 1.99! I will go and get it myself for you, then!”

Me: “It’s all right. I can just get one of our employees to go and check that for you. There is no need–”

Customer: “I WILL SHOW YOU I AM RIGHT!”

(The customer storms away, leaving me at the speedy checkout with a line of 10 people. She soon returns looking flustered.)

Customer: “Debit, please.”

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North Of The Moral Border

, , , , , , , | Right | February 4, 2010

(A mother approaches me, violently dragging her two teenage boys along.)

Mother: “I demand you call the police immediately and have them arrest those ‘flashers’ at once!”

(She motions to the two topless girls on the beach.)

Me: “Actually, here in Ontario, it’s legal for women to go topless. Are you not from around here?”

Mother: “I am from America where we have morals and standards. You people sicken me! They are far too young to be doing that!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but there is technically no age limit on the law. It applies the same as it does to your sons.”

Mother: “Is there not a family section for decent people to enjoy the beach without these sick perverts exposing themselves to everyone?”

Me: “Again, I apologize, but it’s not about the beach. It’s legal for women of any age to go topless anywhere outdoors they please… same as men.”

Mother: “I will sue this whole country for punitive damages! My sons will be scarred for life!”

(Her sons are clearly scarred, as they are staring at the topless girls with huge grins on their faces. All of a sudden, three more topless girls walk past. She attempts to cover both her sons’ eyes with her hands.)

Mother: “Heathens! You will all burn in Hell! Sinners and perverts, that’s all you Canadians are!”

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No Shirt, No Brains, No Service

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2010

(Although I normally work nights, I’m taking another drive-thru shift for a friend.)

Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. May I take your order, please?”

Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not the girl that normally works drive-thru. We switched shifts.”

Customer: “So, you don’t know my order, then?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I don’t. What would you like?”

Customer: “Crap. Now I have to remember what I eat!”

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