(My boyfriend and I are wandering around a bookstore while I try to find a new summer reading book. Note: I have a lisp that I can usually hide, but it has been really bad today.)
Me: “I can barely speak today.”
Boyfriend: “That sucks; can you see well enough to read, at least?”
Me: “My point exactly.”
(I started teaching at this school halfway into the year. I’m a relatively new teacher, so I’m still a bit timid in the staff room. I am also often self-conscious about my eating habits. I go out one day in June, a few weeks before the end of the school year, to grab a coffee at lunch. I come back with a donut. It’s a pretty extravagant-looking thing and catches the other teachers’ attention.)
Teachers: *commenting on the delicious donut*
Me: “I know, I know. It’s really unnecessary; I shouldn’t have bought it. But I’m having salad for dinner tonight, so I guess I can kind of justify it.” *apologetic smile*
(Immediately, three teachers whip their heads up to look at me.)
Teacher #1: “IT’S JUNE.”
Teacher #2: “That’s all the justification you need.”
Teacher #3: “In fact, that’s not enough. Have this, too.” *breaks off half of her cookie and slides it over to me*
(I work in a store in a new department that they just opened. The store is now bigger with this new department, but the storage area is not, so we put the merchandise that we can’t place on the racks in shelves just on top. A woman has an item in her hand and is looking at our shelves with determination…)
Me: “Hi there. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I need this item—” *pointing to the one in her hand* “—do you have more up there?”
Me: *looking on the rack, there are about five of them right in front of her* “Well, I know that there are those ones, and maybe two or three more up there. How many do you need?”
Customer: “Only one.”
Me: *confused* “Do you need another color than that?”
Customer: “No! Only one just like that!“
Me: “Okay? Is this one broken?”
Customer: *yelling* “Oh, you don’t understand!”
(She then left without the item… I still don’t understand.)
(I’m watching an air crash investigation documentary on YouTube:)
Narrator: “The force of the explosion ripped the plane apart, throwing many of the passengers free of the cabin. Most would have lost consciousness soon after from the violent G-forces and lack of oxygen.”
Interrupting Ad: “At [Volunteer Travel Organization], our goal is to take you beyond your comfort zone, because we believe that life only begins when you experience things out of your control.”
(The general manager is talking to one of the supervisors in the middle of the kitchen. I don’t hear the entire conversation, but it sounds like it is about the supervisor’s shift the previous day.)
General Manager: “…and you didn’t do [list of duties] yesterday. [Very Pregnant Coworker] had to lift a bunch of heavy syrup cases to hook them up to the machine!”
Supervisor: “Uh, [General Manager]… I didn’t work yesterday. You did.”
General Manager: “Oh.”
